I stretch out on the blue carpet in front of the family room fireplace, palms up. And I beg God to let me feel the pain, to identify with what Jesus experienced as spikes seared his flesh. But as I wait in the stillness, I sense these words. “It is finished. Done. Over. Paid for […]
pondering a fall
She’d just climbed up and in when it fell apart and down. The neighbor man made it for my mother-in-love and her sister when they were young. “The last girl to get married,” he said, “gets to keep it.” Mom gave the set to us shortly after our wedding. That bed’s enfolded guests, our […]
I will give you rest
It rests between the large jars of cinnamon and parsley, peeks at me from behind the glass restaurant-style sugar dispenser. Sissy gave it to me, this duckie tea infuser. I take it out, hold it in my palm, stroke it. I squeeze my eyes tight and think back to that day in the dollar store […]
when you’re crushed and broken
It’s just the two of us for dinner. I scrounge up some chicken, left over from the chicken-with-cherry-sauce recipe from A Taste of Laity Lodge. Only for her, I serve it plain with bottled Hawaiian sauce and no cherries and a broken breadstick with pizza sauce. She skips the asparagus. Then she trades the chicken […]
her father’s joy
“You’re just waiting to get pregnant,” my doctor assured me. But days of thermometers and planned lovemaking and monthly disappointment tore at thinned emotions, feelings also frayed from too much doing, too much identity seeking in serving. Adoption doors hid behind lines that flowed into forever. “The company wants us to move,” my husband told […]
haiti: when it’s time to say goodbye
We’ll say goodbye today. I make construction paper cards before we go. Erica’s brought a printer and given me a couple mini photos–one of Sophonie and me, and one of Chilanchi and me. I stick them to the paper. “Jezi renmen ou,” I write. “Mwen renmen ou.” Jesus loves you. I love you. It’s our […]
Ready or Not
I’ve had months to get ready. But I’m not ready. I google “animals in Haiti,” “birds in Haiti,” “snakes in Haiti.” and “Haitian culture.” I immerse myself inFlickr‘ed blue and red and green and pink gingerbread architecture and cough from dust rising in YouTubevideos. I wonder if I’ll have to eat goat.
Still Grappling with Grief
One year ago yesterday, my mother died. I’m angry. And sad. And grateful. I’m remembering, second-guessing every decision. Immediately after her fall and diagnosis of a brain tumor, she spent several weeks in a local nursing home. She was not safe for surgery at that point. After the biopsy, she transferred to rehab where […]
31 Days of Coming to Grips with My Age ~ Day 30: When You’re Feeling Weathered and Worn
I saw her for the first time today. She’s sat there for probably 150 years, and I’ve passed her by 150 times–or more. I don’t know what caught my eye on this gray misty day. I don’t know what forced me to halt the Journey half on road, half in ditch and gaze on her […]
31 Days of Coming to Grips with My Age – Day 24: Counting
A new day stretches, and the sky wraps me soft like a baby blanket. The air breathes damp and gentle against my face, sighs into my hair. The cracked concrete of the driveway apron is still wet from the rain, and my children’s small handprints are barely visible in the eroding. Yet Lake Abby spreads dry […]
