Sandra Heska King

daring to open doors

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I will give you rest

March 15, 2013 By Sandra Heska King

rest

 

It rests between the large jars of cinnamon and parsley, peeks at me from behind the glass restaurant-style sugar dispenser. Sissy gave it to me, this duckie tea infuser. I take it out, hold it in my palm, stroke it.

I squeeze my eyes tight and think back to that day in the dollar store where I snagged a trio of rubber ducks for my mom to add a little fun to her hospice hot tub bubble baths. She joked about them needing diapers.

Rubber duckie, you’re so fine…

The months stretch like rubber, and my memory grows thin, but my mind reaches for that day. The day she roused after days of sleeping and not eating. And we got her up in the recliner and pushed her by the window to watch the birds. We brought her breakfast–I can’t remember what now. I want to remember what. But she fed herself. Maybe mandarin oranges. And we were so excited when she wanted to go for a walk. That meant outside for a cigarette and see the birds and gaze at sunspots. And so we bundled her up like a big hamburger and pulled on the Cat-in-the-Hat socks and wheeled her outside right in that chair. And maybe that was the day Sissy curled up on the bench next to her and lay her head on Mom’s shoulder. Memories already start to melt together. And I’m glad I wrote words during that time.

When she comes in, she wants to take a bath, and so they gather the ducks and wheel her down. And maybe that was the day the bubbles nearly overflowed, and they called us down to see, but we didn’t go because we thought she could use the privacy.

And now we wish we had.

Sissy’s working on her computer in the dining room, and I’m piecing the puzzle in the sitting area when they wheel her back. And then the nurse runs back toward the station. “She’s seizing,” she calls over her shoulder.

I run to the dining room for Sissy, and we run to her room. They’ve managed to move her back to bed and we stand on either side. “It’s okay, Mom,” we murmur as her body shudders. And my dad reads a book at the desk, unaware, and there’s a deer outside, and Sissy tells the nurse to get a gun.

And Mom rests after that. Some of the grandchildren come the next day, and she does not want to see anyone. And there is unrest in the family.

She sinks deeper then until that last day her body gives a final shudder as her spirit breaks free.

********

My sissy is exhausted right now. So much to do at work and the grandboy who lives with her has been sick and she has mold in her house and has moved into a hotel until the source can be found and remediated at a cost of thousands of dollars.

And we text and chat in the late hours, and she’s so tired, and in the midst of it all her mind travels back to those days, and she frets about decisions and wonders if we should have pursued other options and treatments.

And Jesus says to rest from our labors and rest from our worries.

I place the duckie back in its place.

Mom rests now, Sissy.

Rest.

Still resting,

Sandy 

Carried away again with Lisa Jo’s Five Minute prompt on rest.

Five Minute Friday

And linking late with Jennifer

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Filed Under: stories and reflections

Comments

  1. Amy Ward says

    March 15, 2013 at 11:15 am

    How precious and beautiful (like Ann VosKamp) your writing of this story is. Thank you for sharing at FMF today. There is a day for all God’s children to rest from the work, worry, and load of this life. Thanks for the Scriptural Rx. May your weekend be restful.

    • Sandra says

      March 15, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      Amy, thank you. To be mentioned in the same sentence with Ann is a sweet thing. Would you come back and visit tomorrow when others link arms and blogs as we all seek a little stillness?

  2. Patricia @ Pollywog Creek says

    March 15, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    So hard and yet beautiful, Sandy. I know this wrestling over “did we do enough.” How blessed Sissy is to have a sister like you. xox

    • Sandra says

      March 15, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      How blessed I am to have a sissy like Sissy. 🙂

  3. Rachael says

    March 15, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    I love your site. I visit often. I just thought I would let you know.

    • Sandra says

      March 15, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      I love that you told me that. Rachael. Love to you, my friend.

  4. Diana Trautwein says

    March 15, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    Oh, my. Sandy. So beautifully poignant and real. Yes, dear one, rest from the worry. And tell Sissy to rest from it, too. You did it so, SO well – you both did. You did it well.

    • Sandra says

      March 15, 2013 at 1:26 pm

      I know. It’s in the weary when those thoughts float topside. It’s good, SO good to be reminded.

      I think of you so often as you walk your journey now. You are doing well, SO well, and it will be well.

  5. Sheila Seiler Lagrand says

    March 15, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    No words. Sandy. Not even one.

    Just heart and eyes brimming full.

    • Sandra says

      March 17, 2013 at 8:48 am

      ♥♥♥

  6. Sharon O says

    March 15, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    wow you wrote all that in five minutes. Good job. Always love your writings and pictures.

    • Sandra says

      March 17, 2013 at 8:47 am

      Ummm…no. I went over a little. Got carried away. I just know Lisa Jo is going to send me to the corner–again. But she provided the prompt. I am not responsible.

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