A new day stretches, and the sky wraps me soft like a baby blanket.
The air breathes damp and gentle against my face, sighs into my hair.
The cracked concrete of the driveway apron is still wet from the rain, and my children’s small handprints are barely visible in the eroding.
Yet Lake Abby spreads dry across the field.
Trees once dressed in gay array stand skeletal, bared in the falling, all once hidden now exposed in this seasonal stripping. I wonder if we’ll one day read this year’s drought in their heartrings.
Browning leaves litter the yard and porch steps–too numerous to count.
We’re expecting a couple days of 70-degree weather before it plummets to a high in the 40s.
And these days I’m counting days.
Days to the end of this series (7.)
Days to Thanksgiving (30.)
Days to the first anniversary of my mom’s passing (35.)
Days to our 41st wedding anniversary (42.)
Days until I leave for Nashville (44.)
Days until I leave for Haiti (46.)
Days until I return to Nashville (54.)
Days until I come home (55.)
Days until Christmas (63.)
Days until New Year’s Eve when I’m supposed to accomplish my word for 2012–order (69.)
If I keep counting, I could count myself right into the ground.
And I wonder…what if I knew I only had 69 days to live? Or less? What would I count then?
What would matter? What would I do differently?
Nothing, I hope. I just want Him to so imprint my life that my footprints fade into His.
I’m grateful that though God knows the count of our days, He never counts us out.
I’m grateful that He counts us worthy of His calling.
I’m grateful He never discounts our droughts or smallest struggle.
He wraps us in His mercy and grace and counts our steps but not our sins.
And we can count ourselves dead to sin and alive to Him.
God, teach us to number our days, to live wisely and well, to live in kairos time.
Add life to every moment while that moment has life.
May we count only on you, and count everything joy.
For as long as we have breath.
“Add life to every moment while that moment has life.” I love that….and so true. I get so caught up in the counting I miss the moment, although I am happy to say, with age some wisdom does come, by God’s good grace. I am learning more and more to count the moments and live right in the middle of them. I happened to notice the anniversary of your Mama’s passing. That is one bridge I have yet to cross and though I know she will be in the arms of Jesus, it is one thing I know will be tremendously difficult for me. Can’t imagine not having her here to call….Great post.
Thanksgiving was my mom’s favorite holiday. Last year some of the family gathered at the hospice home to share our meal with the staff and residents. Mom was “sleeping” and not eating. This will be our first Thanksgiving since–and we’re still not sure what it will look like.
Today is what matters. 🙂 Thanks for popping in, Lori.
love this:I just want Him to so imprint my life that my footprints fade into His.
praying that with you, Sandra…Thank you 🙂
Amen, Dolly, Me. Too.
Megan Willome says
The first holidays without are hard, but during them, you establish a new normal.
And you already have your word for 2013? And it’s “order”? That proves you are already ordered and don’t need to work on anything (at least in my book).
No, that was my word for 2012. I don’t have that much longer to accomplish it. Though maybe “dig out” should have been my 2012 word followed by order. 😉
We made it through Christmas, her birthday, my birthday, their anniversary, summer vacation… I’m not sure what Thanksgiving will look like, but we’ll make it. So grateful for you, Megan.
kel rohlf says
Counting… what a great practice! Did you ever learn the countdown song…we sang it in Sunday school…10and 9 and 8 and 7- 6 and 5 and four…the countdown’s getting lower everyday…3 an 2 coming through the clouds in bright array! Counting on Jesus’ return!
No, I never heard that. Now I need to look it up. 🙂
Sheila Seiler Lagrand says
Footprints that fade into His. Yes, I want that too.
Thank you, Sandy. I’d never thought about that.
Let’s just fade away… 😉
Lynn Mosher says
Sandy, the first holidays are always hard but remembering the good and fun things about those not there, things that bring laughter, are worth talking about. I’ll be praying for you and for a safe trip. Blessings to you!
Thanks so much, Lynn. Yes, we survived Christmas last year. And my birthday that I wanted to cancel. And all the other in-betweens. This next month could be the hardest–and then we move into the second year. I’ve stayed so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to really think about it. Not sure that’s such a good thing.
Cecilia Marie Pulliam says
Sandy, Lynn is right. It is the first holidays without a loved one that are the hardest. The pain eases after the first year, replaced by sweeter memories.
God has counted the hairs on our heads with love and compassion. We can always count on His strength to see us through even the darkest times.
Praying for you and your family, always.
I’m counting on that! And thanks, friend. 🙂