“You’re just waiting to get pregnant,” my doctor assured me.
But days of thermometers and planned lovemaking and monthly disappointment tore at thinned emotions, feelings also frayed from too much doing, too much identity seeking in serving.
Adoption doors hid behind lines that flowed into forever.
“The company wants us to move,” my husband told me. “It’s just for 12-18 months. They want us to lease this house, rent in Tampa.”
It was too much.
I snapped.
“You go right ahead. I’m not going.”
But God was gutting me of myself.
Preparing me for sacrifice.
Preparing me for selflessness.
Teaching me joy in all things.
“You’re going to come back with a baby,” said Judy.
But I was losing hope.
We found an infertility doctor.
So. Many. Tests.
And finally major surgery to correct the scarring in my one remaining tube.
The nurse called one day after a blood test. “Sandy,” she said. “You’re pregnant!”
Now I lay in the hospital bed with empty arms. That short pregnancy almost killed me.
It was over. There would be no babies.
We began to make other plans. Plans that didn’t include children.
We were good now, moving on.
Counting it all joy.
Then our pastor called. He’d been to a meeting. “There’s an interdenominational group that’s been counseling young, unmarried, pregnant girls,” he told us. “They want to do more. Adoption might be an option.”
So we put together a packet–resumes, biographical and spiritual histories, a financial report, a poem–that I still have copies of on yellow carbon paper.
We did it mostly to appease him.
CHOSEN FOR LOVE
We’ve
love to share
through joy and care
bound with ties as yet unseen
we’ll learn together the way to grow
that to the world His ways we’ll show.
As God is my Parent
you’ll be my child
we both are adopted in one family
so I’ll care for you as He cares for me
that you can be all He wants you to be.
We’ll bake cookies for Dad, play catch outside
we’ll listen to music or read a book
I’ll check your homework, we’ll talk of your day
at bedtime I’ll tuck you in while we pray.
We’ll share the wonders of butterfly wings
we’ll climb a mountain and walk on the shore
in nature’s classroom with childlike surprise
we’ll find new things that will open our eyes.
Love has to be tough if it’s love at all
and it may hurt when I have to say, “No”
but I’ll kiss your bruises, always be there
to comfort and hold you through every tear.
We’ve
love to share
through joy and care
bound with ties as yet unseen.
He chose you long ago, you see
a special gift wrapped up for me.
Your mom ~ May 1984
The group liked the packet enough to send out a state social worker for an interview.
Then came the call, and we were dizzy with the news. We bought a crib, set up the nursery.
And waited for our little girl to be born.
But the father fought for her, and the adoption fell through.
That baby was not meant to be ours.
We dismantled the nursery.
Then another call. Another baby.
Two days after her birth, nine months from the time I wrote the poem, I cradled and cried over this special gift.
A gift from God 28 years ago today.
Planned before time for the fullness of time.
Because His ways and His timing are perfect.
We’d been in Florida now for four years.
Almost immediately and before the adoption was even finalized, the company transferred us back to Georgia.
Judy was right. We came back with a baby.
Abigail Elizabeth.
Her father’s joy. Consecrated to God.
Abby
My daughter.
My best girlfriend.
I love you.
The neighbors welcomed us home
First picture
A surprise cake, first toys, and gifts for the cats from the neighbors
Daddy heading for the first day back at work–in pink shirt with a basket of pink bubblegum
Abby at 1-1/2 weeks with Pastor Jack
Abby, 3-1/2 years old
Abby and her girls–Grace and Lillee
Still in awe,
Sandy
Post resurrected from the archives and refurbished.
Can’t believe its been so long since I’ve read your beautiful words…and I love your new look!
I’ve missed you friend.
I miss you, too, Kimberly. I know you’re out there blessing others.
I’m so happy you “resurrected” this beautiful story – I never tire of reading it – this miracle dressed in pink named Abby. Happy Birthday Abby!!! You are a gift.
So incredibly beautiful! My daughter just had her 9th birthday yesterday. Your pictures remind me of how quickly they grow up and to hold on to every moment and be thankful for the joy and pain that comes with parenting!
They do grow fast, Rachael. Immerse yourself in every moment. It will go so fast. Happy belated birthday, Bekah!
How God built our family–and made us know it was His doing–is beyond comprehension sometimes.
So beautiful. As a momma to two adopted kids, I’m thankful there are people like you who have gone before and trusted whatever God is doing, even when it didn’t make sense. Thanks for sharing this story.
Hi Kristin! The picture of Abby and me above was taken very shortly after our son arrived–whom Abby prayed into being. And yes, sometimes how God works just doesn’t make sense–at least to us. Thanks for coming by.
wow, what beautiful words. it gave me goosebumps!
Hi Lisa! This was the first time I realized that Abby was born nine months after I wrote that poem…
Wonderful family, put together by the Lord! Love your poem, what a treasure.
Mary
His ways are not our ways.
Cassandra! I’ve missed you so.
Thanks so much, Mary!
I love that you wrote her a poem… what a beautiful love letter to her. Love this Sandy!!
Beautiful story! Our oldest daughter struggled with infertility for 10 years and suffered 3 miscarriages. She now has 4 year old and one year old miracles, (two sweet girlies).
Tears! I saw the birthday pic you posted on Facebook and prayed and rejoiced with you throughout the day yesterday (but am just getting around to blog reading)
You KNOW how deeply I get this. Many of the details differ, but much of our journeys were similar. Each of our children–their Father’s joy. Yes, indeed.
Hi Sandra
What an incredible story and to see Daddy with the pink shirt made me smile. He looks completely smitten. And your granddaughters are beautiful! Over vie Jennifer
Much love
Mia
Oh, what a touching and beautiful story, Sandy! God did grace you both with the amazing gift of your daughter. Blessings to you and all of your family!
Oh! I am so glad you reposted this – because I’ve never seen it before. So much joy, beauty, grace and love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ABBY. And congratulations, Sandy.
Wow, Sandy. What a story!
It strikes me how you had to submit an application to prove that you’d be a good parent. If I had had to submit an application to be a biological parent, would I have been approved? I seriously doubt it.
That is JUST beautiful. A wonderful story … and a beautiful daughter with grand daughters too. What a marvelous blessing.
Thanks, Sharon. We adopted our son a few years later. There’s a story, too. 😉
Thank you for sharing your story. A happy, happy birthday to your sweet Abby!
We have three wonderful birth children that always seem like miracles to me. Scattered between them there were two miscarriages and an adoption that… best to say it just didn’t end up as we had dreamed. But a current joy in our family is that our son and his wife have just finalized an adoption, although the ‘newcomer’ is not their first child but their sixth.
“Planned before time for the fullness of time, because His ways and His timing are perfect.” I love how you’ve expressed that. Exactly right. He’s awesome!
God’s awesome. But sometimes He’s so hard to understand. I guess there are some things we’re just not supposed to. Sometimes there’s just so much pain and so many broken dreams. That’s when we just need to lean on faith knowing that somehow He’s working all things out for good–even if not in our lifetime. And sometimes… there’s so much joy. Excited for your new family tree addition. 🙂
Oh my, this is so beautiful and stirring and full of goodness. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading, Melanie. When life gets a little rough, it helps to remember how God has worked in the past. It reminds me I can trust Him with the future.