feeling – noun \ˈfē-liŋ\
: an awareness by your body of something in it or on it
: an emotional state or reaction
: susceptibility to impression
I haven’t been feeling very Christian.
It’s not even my battle, but I’ve been caught in the crossfire.
Now that it’s finally over, I want to write a letter. I want to express my anger and my disappointment and hurt.
I want to remind a certain someone of all they’ve been given–and all they’ve taken away.
Of lives and hearts laid down, of sacrifices still being made.
I want to squeeze a certain someone’s cheeks into a fish face and shout, “Don’t you see? Don’t you see what you’ve done? What you’re still doing? You had everything. And you threw it all away. It never had to come to this.”
I’ve been tossing tangible reminders in the trash.
I’ve had to remind myself that people in pain do painful things, that this sphere is stained, and that maturity often comes through mistakes.
I need to stop seething long enough to hear God’s wild whispers of quiet wisdom.
Just. Be. Still.
I’m. Still. God.
It’s okay to be mad as a dog. Just don’t bite back.
I weave pain into purpose.
I know what it’s like to be wounded.
I carry reminders of your feelings in my crucified hands.
Philip Yancey told a story In Where is God When it Hurts about some words Dr. Paul Brand spoke to leprosy patients in India–people who often suffer physical deformities because they’ve lost feeling due to damaged nerves.
One of the things I find most astounding is that, though we think of the future life as something perfected, when Christ appeared to His disciples He said, “Come look at my hands,” and he invited Thomas to put his finger into the print of the nail. Why did He want to keep the wounds of His humanity? Wasn’t it because He wanted to carry back with Him an eternal reminder of the sufferings of those on earth? He carried the marks of the suffering so He could continue to understand the needs of those suffering. He wanted to be forever one with us.
Yancey goes on to say:
The surgery of life hurts. It helps me, though, to know that the Surgeon Himself, the Wounded Surgeon, has felt every stab of pain and every sorrow.
I feel it, God says, I feel you.
But fix your eyes on the future where hope rises on the horizon.
And immerse yourself in the present.
I’m glad the Christian faith does not depend on feelings.
But I’m leaning on the base of that faith who does feel it, who feels me.
And I won’t write that letter.
Do you ever feel your feelings affect your faith?
Word Count: 439
In the stillness,
Sandy
With Charity and Holley
There are occasions in our life that are best examined in retrospect because in the present they are too vivid. I remember a woman, well known for her drinking, who spread malicious accusations about me at a dog show I was running. I understood jealousy was involved. It didn’t help to think that the people who knew me wouldn’t believe the rumour and anyone who didn’t know me wouldn’t care anyway. My stomach was in knots and I SO wanted to jump to my own defence… but I realized Shakespeare’s quotation would come into play: “Methinks the lady doth protest too much”, so I finally confided in one friend and let it go. In retrospect the emotions that had been in such turmoil settled and I could think about the situation more calmly even if I wish it had never happened.
P.S. In answer to your question, it didn’t seem like my faith was involved although I suppose my frustrated pleas for patience and resolution must have been heard. I don’t think I put my faith to the test by asking for God to grant me the ability to forgive and forget. 🙁
Yes, having friends to confide in can be so helpful. Sometimes we need advice, but sometimes we just need a safe place to spill them. And prayer is always a good place to take them.
Oh Sandy, this was beautiful. I love that Jesus redeems all those emotions we have and helps us work through them and find our way on the other side of them. I’ve had a lot of wavering emotions lately, and sometimes I sin and sometimes I don’t. But always I feel loved and cared for by the One who knows my heart.
Thanks for your faithful companionship with these one-word-a-week posts. Yours have been wonderful.
Thanks so much for this challenge, Charity. And I think our feelings often depend a lot on how we’re caring for this vessel that houses them…
Love this line:
“I’ve had to remind myself that people in pain do painful things, that this sphere is stained, and that maturity often comes through mistakes.”
It’s so real – so raw. Feelings come as a shadow to haunt me. I write them down to blow them away.
Writing them down is a perfect way to blow them away… or refine and understand them. 🙂
I am sitting in a place in life right now where I am struggling to let faith trump feelings. I feel deeply and I want to. I have been numb in the past, dull from anything that was life giving. Feelings have their place but they are meant to point us toward faith rather than away from it, both the good and the bad. Good thoughts today, Sandy.
Thanks for that reminder, dear Dea. Good AND bad feelings are meant to point us to faith.
Absolutely! I think that we all do. The key is, like you said, giving them to Him so that our feelings do not cause us to sin. In all things, even in our feelings, may He be glorified! Beautiful post.
He gave us the ability to feel, the makeup for emotions. Personally, I prefer happy feelings. And now I’m thinking of Nemo when Marlin said, “I’m feeling… happy, and that’s a big deal… for me.” And then… “Good feeling’s gone.” I love that movie.
Ummmmm yeah. I’m planning a wedding with zero budget for a “certain someone” who is deserving of a letter and a squeeze too. The pain is quite tangible. Fortunately Grace keeps stepping in between us both and I find a way to be the bigger Girl and give mercy instead. Feelings…. you know I heard in my head “Oh Whoa whoa feeeeeelingggs!” Ha ha!
There’s just something about grace/Grace…
Oh, yes, Sandy, my feelings have often threatened to weaken my faith, and I must admit, I have several people I love who need the letter and the squeeze. But, we are called to love, to forgive, and to pray for those with whom we are at odds. Asking God for the strength and wisdom to say and do the right things which will honor Him.
Blessings!
Praying right along with you, Martha. Sometimes those letters may need to be written… We need the wisdom to know when to speak and when to keep silent.
Really like the bit about the mad dog not biting back.
🙂