Sandra Heska King

daring to open doors

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Of Love and Ducks

February 14, 2012 By Sandra Heska King

“Stop! Go back!” I reach for the camera and pop the lens cap off.

He brakes immediately and turns around in the next drive. “Should I stop on this side of the road or go past and come back?”

“Just stop, and I’ll jump out.”

I do–and slam the car door.

Not a good idea.

The whole flock of mallards takes off from the drainage ditch, flapping and quacking and squawking.

Except for one pair that allows a couple photos before they, too, lift off.

I’m disappointed as I climb back into the car.

And then I remember.

When he took me to a nearby pond only a couple weeks after we started to date. We snuggled on a wooden bench and watched the ducks.

It was there he first told me that he thought he loved me.

And I told him I didn’t know how I felt.

But he proposed a week later, and I said yes.

I wonder if he would have reconsidered if he could have seen into the future.

Did I scream at him this morning?

No, I think that was yesterday. Today’s been good. So far.

Maybe I’ll never scream at him again.

Because this could be the last time we see ducks together.

The last time we ride in a car together.

Our. Last. Day.

So I must love now, in this moment, before the door slams on this life and one of us takes wing to another.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Live like you were dying, Love because you are. ~attributed to Mark Green 

(Assume the Bishop of Aston. I can’t confirm, but I like the quote anyway.)

 

Also linking with On Your Heart Tuesday.

 

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Filed Under: stories and reflections

Comments

  1. karen r evans says

    February 14, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Whoa, that puts this “love-thing” in perspective. 🙂 Thanks

    • Sandra says

      February 15, 2012 at 9:36 am

      We just don’t know, do we? I think about that every time I want to fuss about a chair not pushed back under the table or a shoe left where I trip over it. The day could come when I long for those “problems.”

  2. Sheila Lagrand says

    February 14, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Sandy, this moves me. And it fits. I have so much trouble with my tongue. I don’t think it’s in touch with my heart AT ALL.

    • Sandra says

      February 15, 2012 at 9:38 am

      I hate that disconnect. I think when it lashes him, it’s really on some level lashing me. I’m trusting that as I regain order around me, I’ll regain within. And vice versa.

      • Sheila Seiler Lagrand says

        February 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

        trusting with you, dear one.

  3. S. Etole says

    February 14, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    such a bittersweet reminder …

    • Sandra says

      February 15, 2012 at 9:40 am

      I need to be reminded more often.

  4. Sharon O says

    February 15, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Really wonderful and so true, last night we were driving on a ‘dark windey’ road I said ‘slow down’ and he turned his brights on and we were almost heading into a deep ditch into a farmers field on a corner that was not clear to us. Let the light shine so one can ‘see’ the dangers ahead. It would have been a serious accident.

    • Sandra says

      February 15, 2012 at 9:41 am

      Oh, Sharon. Thank goodness for the light!

  5. Louise G says

    February 15, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Wow — so this is beautiful and profoundly touching.

    Thank you.

    • Sandra says

      February 15, 2012 at 9:42 am

      Thank you, Louise. You are such a blessing.

  6. Simply Darlene says

    February 15, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Oh my how you wrenched hearts with this. We can try, and even strive, but alas we are human. And it’s so much better when we’re bound to mighty God Who gives perfection.

    Blessings.

  7. Megan Willome says

    February 15, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    One of the things that’s so hard during grief is that every moment becomes so poignant–even ducks. It is a good way to live, but slightly exhausting, too.

    And hey, congrats on being featured at THC today!

  8. diana says

    February 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Oh yeah, we had one of those screamers on Valentine’s Day of all days. Haven’t done that in ages – but we were both tired, anxious, confused and out of touch. We’ve been more tender since then, but sometimes I wonder why we let the steam collect so long, instead of siphoning it off in smaller, more manageable amounts. My mom was much worse when I saw her Sun/Mon and he had spent 3 hours with the tax accountant with our stuff and his mom’s, which he does each year. And today he met with Hospice about his mom while I tried, unsuccessfully, to get Lilly to nap. So yeah, we’re feeling the pain these days and are painfully aware that life here is not all there is, that none of us is guaranteed any amount of time on this planet. Hopefully, we’ll take that to heart in these days after heart’s day.

  9. laura says

    February 15, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Oh, just beautiful, Sandy. And look at those duckies. I don’t know why the whole flock never cooperates like this 🙂

  10. Lynn Mosher says

    February 15, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    Beautiful, sweet Sandy! I learned a long time ago to stop yelling. Life is too short. It may be the last time he leaves the house for work, the store, wherever. Loved this! As always!

  11. wolfsrosebud says

    February 16, 2012 at 8:50 am

    only too true… remember… a day may come when there is no good-bye and death enters in quickly and takes a loved one away… at age 29… no good-bye just tears… memories of the last thing we did… argue… and that memory never goes away… praising God for His compassion during our weakness

  12. Shelly Miller says

    February 16, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Yes, like every day is your last. If we could remember it in the midst of the mundane. I am looking forward to an overnight getaway, a belated Valentines celebration tomorrow with the hubs. So excited. Congrats on being featured at THC this week. So deserved, I love that story.

  13. Jennifer@GDWJ says

    February 16, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    Oh you…

    Friend? You live and love (and write!) so beautifully.

    Have I told you lately that I love you?

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Wait! So you ask if I have symptoms. But you don't expect symptoms--yet. And when I do have symptoms, someone is gonna do something. And then I'll be older and maybe weaker. Or what if I have some sudden and silent symptom and boom! And now I have to worry about that. 

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