Sandra Heska King

daring to open doors

  • Home
  • About
  • DISCLOSURES
    • Amazon Affiliate
    • Book Reviews
  • Published
  • Contact
  • Blog
    • Commit Poetry
    • Dared

Five Minute Friday: The Reality of Grief

February 3, 2012 By Sandra Heska King

 

I flip through the pages of Time Magazine until she breezes into the waiting room to invite me back.

“How are you today?” Her eyes sparkle, and the corners crinkle.

I flash a big smile. “Fine. Just fine!”

I climb up into the chair, and she pins the bib around my neck.

She flips on the reflector light, dons a spotlight.

“Did you have a good holiday?” She’s very chipper.

She reaches for a silver pick.

I know she expects me to say, “Great” and “How was yours?”

But I’m in the light, and so I say, “Well, not really.”

And I tell her about my mom and that’s why I’m late seeing her this time.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

And there is silence except for the sound of metal on enamel.

I study the posters on the ceiling.

Joni picks and scrapes, and I shudder with the sound.

And my mind travels to her body shaking and holding her hand and telling her it was okay.

And wondering if she even heard me.

It was “rally day,” and I wonder if the bumping and jostling of the recliner in getting her outside or the whirlpool bath afterwards had somehow shaken things up.

If this seizure would have come anyway.

At least that day.

I know better.

She squirts. I swish. Mr. Straw sucks.

I try to shake off the reality of grief.

And the anger I sometimes feel at the inability to be real about it.

I try not to think about it.

How life goes on, and how being real sometimes causes discomfort for others.

How they expect me to be strong.

I’m grateful for those with whom I can feel safe to be real.

For those who comfort with the comfort they’ve received.

For those who understand I don’t need therapy.

Who are therapy.

And I’m grateful for the reality of Him, the One acquainted with grief.

Well, wasn’t that depressing.
Never know what will come out when you let the words spill.

 

Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy;
share tears when they’re down. ~Romans 12:15 (Message)

Joining Lisa Jo and community for five minutes on the word prompt REAL.

 Linking, too, with Emily for her last Imperfect Prose gathering
as she steps out in faith to care for two more boys who desperately need her.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Print
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest

Filed Under: stories and reflections, writing

Comments

  1. Dolly @ soulstops says

    February 3, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Thanks, Sandra, for being real, and if I could, and if it was okay with you, I would give you a BIG HUG, and say I’m sorry…grief and losing a loved one really stinks {feel free to substitute another word}… I have “God-bumps” as I was thinking of you and then I linked up right behind you for 5MF and I try to visit the person b4 me so I’m thinking maybe God really wanted me to visit you and give you a cyber-hug! Praying that God would continue to comfort you and let you know that it is okay to be real with Him and trusted friends.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 10:45 pm

      I am taking that cyber hug, Dolly. If it’s okay with you, I’ll take two.

      Sharing the God-bumps. 🙂

  2. Simply Darlene says

    February 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Hey miss Sandra. I am sorry for your loss. I’ve only just learned of it (since I’ve been internet-less for so long). I hope you lean full into the good Lord’s chest during this time.

    Blessings.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      I am SO glad to see you, Miss Darlene. I’m leaning full.

  3. Shelly Miller says

    February 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    I actually loved this post but you made me laugh at the end with your “well wasn’t that depressing” comment. You painted a accurate picture of what grief looks like after living with it for more than a week. When the tears don’t shed as easily and the pain is not as acute.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 11:04 pm

      Strange what thoughts come at the strangest times. 🙂

      I’ve been thinking about you and Winston. And remembering the chin on the edge of the bed and the cold wet nose nudging me for attention. It’s been a year and a half.

  4. Sheila Lagrand says

    February 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Here’s what I did, when people started to suggest that maybe I should be “further along in the process” than I was.

    I looked at the person, kinda firmly, and said, “I am grieving my mother WELL.”

    Now, I’m not suggesting you do that. Because the last thing you need, probably the thing you’re overloaded with, is all kinds of ideas about how this should be going for you.

    I am grateful for the position you’ve staked out for yourself here, Sandy. Letting your grief unfold, one slow petal at a time, until it blooms fully (if that’s not misstating your place) is one of many healthy ways to deal.

    Love you. Lots and lots.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 11:08 pm

      Love you lots and lots more, Sheila.

      Your words give me pause because there are days I wonder if my grief is well. Yet I know it is.

  5. Cheri Gregory says

    February 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    I’m with you Sandra. I’d just visited my mother and discovered that her Alzheimers was progressing rapidly. At the next staff meeting, in front of everyone, my boss asked me, “So, Cheri, it must have been nice to see your mother!”

    I’m still wondering how I should have responded…other than by nodding mutely, of course…

    http://cherionethingivelearned.blogspot.com/2012/01/10-days-of-proverbs-31-my-heart-may.html

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm

      Oh Cheri. I can just imagine the range of emotions. I wouldn’t have known how to respond either.

  6. Sissy says

    February 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I know.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm

      I know you know.

  7. terri tiffany says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    This wasn’t depressing– it is real.All of us will go through it but it isn’t until we do that we understand. Until then,we have to accept the discomfort we might cause others with our grief. It’s sad but true. I try not to hold it against anyone but sometimes it’s hard.

    • Sandra says

      February 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm

      You’re right, Terri. There’s so much we don’t really understand until we experience it ourselves. Good to remember that everyone carries some sort of pain.

  8. Christine says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I love the way you seamlessly go from the dental chair to your heart, then back to the dental chair. And I love real people! Beautiful job!

  9. Cindee Snider Re says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Oh, Sandy…tears. I just wrote three pieces — not happy, but real pieces and haven’t posted them yet, because today I’m not strong, just real. Today it hurts just to breathe, and I know in my heart that’s OK. Part of the process, something that sometimes makes others uncomfortable. I’m glad you wrote this. Glad you kept it real. I needed your words today. Thank you.

  10. Christine says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    I want to add that honoring her through your memories and thoughts and the written word makes her life that much more meaningful. Those we love and have lost deserve for us to be real.

  11. diana says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Depressing? Not in the least. Real? Yes, ma’am. And thank you for that. Some days it just plain sucks to be strong. So please give yourself permission to take a day or two off from strength now and again, okay? Sleep in, hang in your jammies, have THREE cups of tea, watch a movie that makes you smile. Whatever – whatever will allow you to unkink, let go and just be with all that you’re feeling/ Love you, thinking of you, praying for you.

  12. Omily says

    February 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Hugs…sorry for your loss.
    Being real sometimes means not pretending everything is okay, not pretending you are always strong. And knowing He is real, holding on to Him…

  13. Val says

    February 3, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Grief sucks. And we are SOOO scared of it, aren’t we? It’s messy and it hurts and it’s disruptive and there are so few safe places for all of that.

    I am sending you many (((((hugs))))) and praying for there to be an abundance of safe places for you to be where you are in this grief.

  14. S. Etole says

    February 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    For some reason, this reminds me of the Velveteen Rabbit and how love makes you real and how love involves grief. So it’s not depressing at all … just makes me wish you could feel all the love-hugs coming your way.

  15. Patricia says

    February 3, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    With you in spirit comfort. I laughed at Mr. Straw because it reminded me of when my dentist asked how I was doing and why I hadn’t been there in so long. That day, Mr. Straw sucked a few of my tears and it brought us all into laughter. Living together in community… in happiness and sadness, success and failure. It’s who we are, it’s what we do, it’s how we roll. I’m so proud to have you as a friend. =)

  16. juliana says

    February 3, 2012 at 10:51 pm

    Not depressing – beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  17. imperfect prose says

    February 3, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    oh friend… first of all, that photo–it’s just incredible. i wish i could paint it. and secondly, grief appears to make you a stunning writer. i found myself crying at the end of this, not because it was depressing, but because it touched my core. thank you sandra. for being in the light.

  18. Megan Willome says

    February 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Thank God for dental hygienists!

    Seriously, you’re fine. It feels awful, but you’re OK.

  19. nic says

    February 5, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    i’m sorry, sandy. that’s a paltry offering, i know. i’m praying He will keep you close, the One who KNOWS the blistering innards of suffering and grief.

  20. Melinda Lancaster says

    February 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I’m so choked up (not depressed, just relating) that I can’t find my words.
    I. Love. You.

  21. kd sullivan says

    February 8, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Oh, I long to be a friend who is therapy. I love your heart, your words and your pictures dear friend. I hope you come over to Painting Prose this week…

  22. Janet Macy says

    February 17, 2012 at 1:55 am

    So perfectly written. And so real and transparent. Grief is a process and I think you’ll find that writing about it helps.

    And it helps us. Helps to give us words to understand our own process.

    We should all be a safe harbor – a sanctuary for each other. Thereby providing therapy and encouragement.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Flickr
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Meet Sandra

I’m Sandra, a camera-toting, recovering doer who’s learning to be. still. Read more…

Get updates from the stillness by email

Your personal information is safe and will never be shared.

Archives

Categories

Instagram Inspiration

sandraheskaking

For most of us, knowledge of our world comes large For most of us, knowledge of our world comes largely through sight, yet we look about with such unseeing eyes that we are partially blind. One way to open your eyes to unnoticed beauty is to ask yourself, "What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?" ~ Rachel Carson in The Sense of Wonder
#prayformsu #spartanstrong #spartannurse #michigan #prayformsu #spartanstrong #spartannurse #michiganstateuniversity
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faith Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever. ~ Psalm 136:1
A tale of two iguanas... I did not see the iguana A tale of two iguanas... I did not see the iguana in the background until I downloaded the photos. That, I believe, is the one that got caught in one of the openings in the neighbor's chain link fence. We tried in several (safe) ways to dislodge it without luck and could think of no other option but to leave it. Somehow it apparently dislodged itself. We also believe this is the pair that was getting into another neighbor's garden. We haven't seen either one since the last cold snap, so we are wondering if they survived. 
🌱
Thinking some may have tumbled from their perches last night. Pretty sure it will be raining iguanas tonight since we are under a frost advisory. It's cold. And windy.
Just sing... sing a song... Singing our way into Just sing... sing a song... 

Singing our way into the weekend.
"We don't just see. We learn to see." ~ Russ Ramse "We don't just see. We learn to see." ~ Russ Ramsey in Rembrandt is in the Wind
Now you see me... now you don't. Now you see me... now you don't.
"I started looking and listening. I realized that "I started looking and listening. I realized that work, like life, is shot through with poetry. It was everywhere. I was so taken with what I discovered that I wrote a book about it." @gyoung9751 
🌱
Whether you work in an office, a retail store, a restaurant, or at home... Whether you work on roads or on power lines, or on high buildings...Whether you collect trash or preach sermons, or care for your kiddos. Whether you do art, or weave words, or take photos of a common gallinule AKA moorhen AKA swamp chicken--it's all shot through with poetry.
🌱
So pay attention. Find a poem.
🌱
Read more at https://www.tweetspeakpoetry.com/2023/01/10/its-poetry-at-work-day-2023/
Rising… Rising…
Everyone needs a little balance in life. And maybe Everyone needs a little balance in life. And maybe a beauty routine. And breakfast. Especially breakfast. I wonder if it consists of a few fire ants. I hope so. (Well, not mine. I'm having oatmeal with chia seeds. What are you having this morning?)
🌱
P.S. Happy Friday!
"Though your destination is not yet clear You can "Though your destination is not yet clear You can trust the promise of this opening; Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning That is at one with your life's desire." ~John O'Donohue 
🌿
A blessing for a new beginning in a new year. I'm sure he wrote it especially for me. At least I'm claiming it. Maybe it will speak to you, too.
🌿
Also, I'd really like this skirt --> 
🌿
Read the whole poem--> -->
🌿
Well, bummer... The whole page didn't print. Read it in the comments below.
"What precocity, a bird half the size Of an Anjou "What precocity, a bird half the size
Of an Anjou pear." ~ Stephen Kuusisto in "The Mockingbird on Central" (Find it in The Poets Guide to the Birds edited by Judith Kitchen and Ted Kooser)
🌱
"The morning pages are the primary tool of creative recovery." ~ Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way. 
🌱
I've been in a long creative drought, so I started morning pages--again. This time I've got a bit of an accountability group through @refineretreat's Refinery--which I finally also joined this year. I'll turn 74 this month. I'm not ready to grow old while I age--though everything does seem to take longer while time goes by faster.
🌱
#aweandwonder #tsaweandwonder
Tonight’s walk in the neighborhood. I’m still Tonight’s walk in the neighborhood. I’m still kinda amazed that out of all the places we could have ended up after moving from a place I said I’d never move from), here we are—planted right next to the northern Everglades. Six-plus years, and I still shake my head in wonder.
"So fancy is the world..." ~ Mary Oliver in "This "So fancy is the world..." ~ Mary Oliver in "This World." #aweandwonder #tsaweandwonder
Look, Mom! I can walk on water! #aweandwonder #tsa Look, Mom! I can walk on water! #aweandwonder #tsaweandwonder
Gazing into 2023 like… Let’s take it step by Gazing into 2023 like… 
Let’s take it step by step with hope and courage. Also I hope to be posting again more often.
🎉
Happy New Year!
The morning before the last morning of 2022. 🌴 The morning before the last morning of 2022. 
🌴
71 degrees. Heading to 83. I can live with that.
From the top of Brasstown Bald—the highest point From the top of Brasstown Bald—the highest point in Georgia at 4784 feet.
Winding roads… Winding roads…
Tonight's moon. It's kinda okay. Tonight's moon. It's kinda okay.
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Get the Mug

Embrace the life you have t s poetry mug

Privacy Policy

Full privacy policy is available HERE.

I Read Light

TSP-Red button

bibledude-net



Sponsor a Child

Join the Compassion Blogger Network

[footer_backtotop]

Copyright © 2023 Sandra Heska King · Site by The Willingham Enterprise, LLC on the Genesis Framework by StudioPress · Log in