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One Word: Order

December 29, 2011 By Sandra Heska King

The night after Christmas.

The night after Operation Roaster Turkey Fail.

The night of Operation Oven Turkey Success.

The family gathers here–eight of us, including Grace and Lillee.

We eat (the first family meal I’ve cooked in months) and play Scattergories (I’m a loser), and the kids wrestle in the living room like they used to, and it shreds my nerves way more than it used to.

And the thought knocks again, and I introduce it. “You know, Grandma was 82. Only 20 years older than I am now. That’s less time than you kids have been alive.”

Jeremy furrows his dark bushy brows. “What’s that mean?”

“It means,” says Abby, “that in 20 years, less time than you and I have been alive, Mom will be Grandma’s age. Our parents were old when we were born.”

“But you’re healthier than Grandma was,” Jeremy says. “You take better care of yourself. And you don’t smoke.”

“What happened to Grandma had absolutely nothing to do with her state of health or her smoking. She fell. And she died three months later. That brain tumor came out of nowhere. And. It. Was. Ruthless.”

Jeremy is 23 now.

Abby will be 27 in January.

A breath of time.

They don’t realize that in another 20 years, they’ll be “old.” In their 40s.

Older than I was when we adopted them as babies.

(Well, I had just turned 40 when Jeremy arrived.)

Lillee will be in college, and Grace–well, she’ll be pushing 30 and could be practicing medicine.

Or not.

Something could come from nowhere at any time.

So I’ve been thinking about my life and about my legacy.

Again.

And how I need expanses of time to think and create and rest and make memories.

And how the chaos around me just sweeps me up and sucks me in.

Suffocates me.

Stagnates me.

Exhausts me.

Chaos from the outside.

People.

Stuff.

And creates chaos on the inside.

I’m a saver of the sentimental and a collector of the cute.

In spite of several declutter rampages, I live in a mess.

And my house still balloons with kid stuff.

I have thousands of photos that should be scanned and organized.

Or tossed.

So I’ve been thinking about my one word resolution for 2012.

Last year I chose three: Deep. See. Dive.

And they carried me well.

But I need something more practical this year.

The word ruthless came to mind.

But that sounds dangerous.

So I finally decided on order.

It’s even one of the “simple and deliberate” actions that my dear friend, Tami, over at @stickyJesus suggests to jumpstart 2012. Well, really, she suggested “organize.”

Close enough.

Cleaning up and clearing out.

Purging and pruning.

To make more room in my heart manger for Him.

And more room in my life to pursue the important.

And to create a sense of serenity to cope with what I have no control over.

Because He’s a God of order.

And beauty.

Yes, this next year will be one of pruning and purging.

Order.

That’s my word.

And I’m sticking to it.

I’m so organized that I wrote this to link with Faith Barista Bonnie’s Thursday Jam. Only that link won’t open until next Thursday, January 6. Oops.

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Comments

  1. Cassandra Frear says

    December 29, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Priceless.

    You might enjoy “Time Management for Unmanageable People” — it might even be a fresh discovery for you. I have been helped by it, especially for those times that seem full of too many distractions, but I understand that people with your natural bent towards expansion and options REALLY love it.

    • Sandra says

      December 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm

      I never heard of that book, Cassandra. It looks wonderful. Thanks for the suggestion.

  2. Patricia says

    December 29, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    In the aftermath… as the dust settled, I found it so odd that my family members’ minds and hearts were not permeated with thoughts of my mom like mine were. In fact, they barely seemed affected at all and the regular family actitivities seemed muffled somehow… grating on my already frayed nerves. I felt like I was not being the mom I wanted to be, especially compared to my mom. I can laugh now, how I was always surprised that they were hungry again when it seemed that I had just fed them. =) Give yourself plenty of grace and space as you restore the order, remembering that it took time to get that way. Time is on your side Sandy and so am I.
    p.s. maybe soon, it could be the right time for our panera date? =) I feel a hug coming on. <3

    • Sandra says

      December 29, 2011 at 7:18 pm

      The thing is–the disorder was there before all this. Before vacation. Before LL. Before ACFW. Before the wedding. Before Abby’s surgery. You’re right. It’ll take awhile to restore order–if I cana remember what that is. 😉

      I just re-read this. And my reference to the possibility of “ruthless” as a word? I did not even realize I’d used that earlier. It must mean something. 🙂

      And Panera? Yes, M’am. I’d say January would be good. 🙂

  3. S. Etole says

    December 29, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Understanding the need for order … and peace. Prayers continue as your heart heals.

  4. diana says

    December 30, 2011 at 12:46 am

    Oh, man, do I GET THIS. Sigh. You know I blogged earlier in 2011 about clearing out my office at church and then ordering my much smaller office at home. Well. Hmmm. That lasted about….two weeks. It’s piled high again and there are piles all over my bedroom, too. And I’ve already noted elsewhere that I have literal bins of photos needing to be organized and scanned. So I will join you in attempting to bring order in 2012.

    And I like your word, but I do think ‘ruthless’ is a good one, too. But please do retain some ‘ruth’ for yourself, sweet Sandy. It means ‘mercy,’ and you need a good dose of it. I believe you when you say the disorder preceded your mom’s illness and death. BUT. You need to be merciful to YOU – the grieving needs space to breathe. Take care.

  5. Brianne says

    December 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing your one word! Sounds like it is going to be a good year 😉

  6. Cecilia Marie Pulliam says

    January 1, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Yep, order. In fact, priorities. That is mine for the new year. A better list of priorities, starting with God and working down. Busyness, just for the sake of it, is the last on the list, and may just be purged. I love your photos and your thoughts, Sandy. Yep, order. Love it.

  7. Lisa notes says

    January 5, 2012 at 10:38 am

    I love your choice of “order.” I am a big fan of order, although you might not could tell at the moment if you look at my house. 🙂 Christmas tree still up; dishes in the sink; etc. But my inner being craves order and I know God provides it there. I just need to keep working on letting it flow to my outer world.

  8. Shaunie Friday says

    January 6, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Sandra,
    Your word, ORDER, is sort of a sub-category of my word, CHALLENGE. Order and organization is going to be extremely important to me in the season I am entering and I am going to challenge my self every day instead of letting myself off the hook. Thanks for enhancing my One Word with yours!!

  9. Cheryl Smith says

    January 3, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Is it possible we’ll journey together, side-by-side, again? One of my words? Carve. Which sounds a lot pruning, though not as spiritual. And like order.

    For the same reasons, because we’ve amassed too mush stuff that gets in the weigh-way of all that God has for us.

    • Sandra says

      January 3, 2013 at 8:03 pm

      Side by side. Yep. Carve —> create. Cut out, fashion, make room. Yep. We’re in this together. And I’m glad. (And don’t forget, you’re creating this year, too.) 😀

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No way could anyone ever convince me that this world in all its beauty and creativity and mysteries is here by accident.
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“Embrace this day knowing and showing the world “Embrace this day knowing and showing the world that your God is more than enough for you.”
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My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the str My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion.” Psalm 73:26 (ESV)
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So the first thing he asks me is, "How's you daughter?" Wait. Isn't this supposed to be about ME?

Then he asks if I've had any symptoms. "Well, I don't know. Maybe. I felt a little dizzy out of the blue a couple times. And felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I wouldn't have paid any attention if I didn't know I was supposed to be watching for symptoms. I DID walk all over Israel and up a bunch of steep hills, even all the way up to the Golan Heights--against the wind--without anything but normal fatigue.

He laughs. "I created a monster." Ummm, yeah.

"Have you been exercising?" 

"Well, yeah. We walk a couple miles a day. I'm back on my Nordictrack Strider." I didn't tell him I'd been lifting some light weights and some very heavy boxes and other items during this renovation, though I was told in December not to.

So he listens to the beating of my heart. Then he says, "Well, I don't think the valve is ripe yet. I don't expect you to have symptoms for three or four years. You don't need to come back for a year."

Wait! So you ask if I have symptoms. But you don't expect symptoms--yet. And when I do have symptoms, someone is gonna do something. And then I'll be older and maybe weaker. Or what if I have some sudden and silent symptom and boom! And now I have to worry about that. 

(In other news, my oldest grand texts me the other day, and our conversation runs like this...
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If not, take a peek at @mlivenews .

My great-nephew, not quite 12, had just gotten home from school when the EF-3 came down the street and left its mark on every home. My niece frantically tried to find her way from work through debris and blocked roads. My sister was 30 miles away visiting my dad in rehab. I don't want to know how fast my brother-in-law drove. 

The house and yard took a hit, worse than some, not as bad as others. A mobile home park was demolished--two deaths there. I heard one person is still missing. So many injured. So much awful. But the town is coming together for each other. Pray for them.

We plan to fly up Thursday--already planned to celebrate my dad's 95th birthday. 

Also, if anyone feels led to help, the Otsego Community Foundation and Otsego County United Way are accepting donations. Note “Tornado Relief.” Beware of any other fundraising requests.
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From a post I wrote for @tspoetry after a visit to the @holocaustcenter.

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“Now in the place where he was crucified there w “Now in the place where he was crucified there was a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid.” ~ John 19:41

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