Sandra Heska King

daring to open doors

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If I’m Still Enough

December 2, 2010 By Sandra Heska King

Sometimes
when the light
is right
and if I’m
still
enough
I catch the
glitter of
tinsel dust
that floats
above
melted memories
of magic
and mystery
in the waiting
and anticipation
of gifts delivered
in the night
and I long
for simple times
when I delighted
in an unseen
omnipotent giver
and all I had
to do
was
be good.

Yet if I’m
still
enough
I find
the Light
is right
and goodness
seeps from shadows
in the night
and
Omnipotence
passes gentle
gifts
a Gift
and all I have
to do
is
receive.

If I’m still enough.

Written in response to David Wheeler’s prompt to write a poem about Noel ghosts as a Random Act of Poetry for The High Calling.

Linking hearts with Faith Barista Bonnie Gray’s challenge today to unwrap Jesus and celebrate simplicity in Christmas.

FaithBarista_Christmas_JamBadge

Offering these crumbs in broken communion of other imperfect writers in the advent hush.

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Filed Under: poetry, stories and reflections

Comments

  1. Michael says

    December 2, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Oh wow. Very good.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:36 am

      Thanks, Michael.

  2. HisFireFly says

    December 2, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Incredible form, candle holder, a place for the light to shine.. like your precious heart, my friend

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:37 am

      You are a light for Him, my FireFly friend.

  3. Sheila Hollinghead says

    December 2, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Just beautiful.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:37 am

      Thank you, Sheila.

  4. Kathleen says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:14 am

    Lovely.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:38 am

      Thanks, Kathleen.

  5. katdish says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:15 am

    That’s just amazing, Sandy. Wow.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:38 am

      Awww, Kathy. Thanks.

  6. Cassandra Frear says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Yes, that’s exactly it. 🙂

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:38 am

      Let’s talk about it more over tea–or coffee. 🙂

  7. Heidi Avery says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:49 am

    Beautiful poem. And don’t we all wonder if we are still good enough and isn’t He so good to remind us over and over the Yes, indeed we are!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:40 am

      We can never be good enough. But because He is good, we are. Indeed.

  8. April says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:52 am

    This is really good!!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:40 am

      Thanks so much, April.

  9. Wendy says

    December 2, 2010 at 10:56 am

    I really like this Sandra!
    ~ Wendy

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:40 am

      Thanks, Wendy. 🙂

  10. Billy Coffey says

    December 2, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Beautiful, Sandy!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:41 am

      Hi Billy! Thanks.

  11. jasonS says

    December 2, 2010 at 11:35 am

    That is a powerful one. Flows so gracefully–wonderful! Thank you, Sandra.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:42 am

      Thanks so much, Jason.

  12. Faith Barista | Bonnie says

    December 2, 2010 at 11:48 am

    This was so. Good. Smooth, sweet taste, that is rich because you’ve been living it. Your faith has been brewing and the aroma is unmistakably His. Beautiful poetry that moved my heart, Sandy!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:44 am

      Oh, Bonnie. You are a Barista of Blessing.

  13. David K Wheeler says

    December 2, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Still is such a flexible word, and I appreciate both connotations in this poem, as an adjective and as an adverb. A wonderful play between the two.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:48 am

      Thanks, David. Your words have given me chill bumps. Here’s the thing. I wanted to write something for your challenge, but nothing came. Then the first lines poured into me when I first woke up, and the whole poem spilled in a matter of minutes. I did not even see the dual connotation. I am in awe. If there’s any good in this, it’s not me.

  14. L.L. Barkat says

    December 2, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    “if I’m still enough”

    that is the line that will stay with me

    So glad to see you in the RAP celebration! 🙂

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:48 am

      I’m always glad to see you! 🙂

  15. Tony Alicea says

    December 2, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    This is fantastic!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:49 am

      Hi Tony! So nice to see you here. Thanks.

  16. S. Etole says

    December 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    So many secrets to be discovered through the light …

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:50 am

      😀 I see His light through your words and photos!

  17. Jay Cookingham says

    December 2, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Yes…beautiful words with a beautiful heart behind them!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:50 am

      Oh, thank you so much, Jay.

  18. Ruth says

    December 2, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Beautiful poem, loved the shape… I also loved how you went from “all I had to do was be good” to “all I have to do is receive” – it left me pondering why, as an adult, receiving seems so very difficult, when really it’s such a simple thing and so much easier than to fit into someone else idea of “being good.”

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:53 am

      Thanks for these thoughts, Ruth. Yes, learning to receive can be hard. Is it a control thing? A letting go thing? Childlikeness–that’s my goal.

  19. Monica Sharman says

    December 2, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Sometimes I find it so hard to do the receiving part.

    Hmm…maybe I’m not being still enough.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:54 am

      I so hear you, Monica!

  20. Monica Sharman says

    December 2, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    P.S. Your header photo — love it!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:53 am

      Thanks! 😀

  21. Kati says

    December 2, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    And yet, receiving is more difficult than being good, somehow. Beautiful words, but what a paradox!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:56 am

      Perhaps the receiving is hard because it’s hard to feel we’re good enough?

  22. Nancy says

    December 2, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    There is stillness and hush, here in these words; in the not being good, but receiving. Truly lovely.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:56 am

      Thank you, Nancy.

  23. elk says

    December 2, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    i am so happy to rest in the hush of this day … right here

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:58 am

      And I am happy to rest with you, Elaine.

  24. Courtney Walsh says

    December 2, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    oh, this is perfection.

    i so need this. i am never still. did you know they stoned a man in bible times for gathering wood on the sabbath? i am so convicted about that…trying to stay still and enjoy december and all it has to offer…

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:59 am

      Do you think the stillness thing is because we think we have to be doing to be good–instead of just being?

  25. Dusty Rayburn says

    December 2, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Love this Sandra. The Light is right.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:00 am

      Thanks, Dusty!

  26. Sandra says

    December 2, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Oh. I am overwhelmed.

  27. shannon says

    December 2, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    I lived most of my life trying to be “enough”…now I know I don’t have to be.
    thank you for your words!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:01 am

      You are (I am/we are) enough, Shannon. Because He is more than enough.

  28. in the hush of the moon says

    December 2, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    dear sandra… this is gorgeous. “be still and know” he whispers… and you know. you do. i see that in this. thank you so much for linking. i love your heart.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:02 am

      I’m so glad He linked our hearts, Emily. So glad.

  29. Shelley says

    December 2, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    That is really beautiful!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:03 am

      Thanks so much, Shelley. We just need to accept it–that’s all, right?

  30. nance marie says

    December 2, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    good one

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:04 am

      Thanks, Nancy! 🙂

  31. Shaunie Friday says

    December 2, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    This is truly beautiful Sandra! How I long for stillness in a terribly disquieting, noisy world. He IS my quiet place, my source of stillness, and you reminded me where to run when all within me is cacophony!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:06 am

      I just thought of Susanna Wesley with her apron over her head, seeking stillness.

  32. Keli Gwyn says

    December 2, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:06 am

      Thanks so much, Keli.

  33. Carol J. Garvin says

    December 3, 2010 at 3:35 am

    There is wonderful emotion in these words, and such a meaningful message! Beautifully written, Sandra. Thank you.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 10:07 am

      Oh, thank you, Carol.

  34. Sheila Hollinghead says

    December 3, 2010 at 10:19 am

    I wondered if you had thought of the two meanings of “still.” That’s simply amazing how it flowed that way. This poem makes me incredibly jealous of your talent (and I’m having to beat down that green-eyed monster). This is one of the best poems I have ever read–no exaggeration.

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:48 pm

      Thank you so much, Sheila. Wow!

  35. Melinda Lancaster says

    December 3, 2010 at 10:46 am

    “And all I have to do is receive. If I’m still enough.”

    Beautiful, poetic, and just want I need to ponder on my way to Deeper Still.

    LYI!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:49 pm

      Praying for you. Be still. Receive. Go deep. LYI.

  36. Cheryl Smith says

    December 3, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    How do you do that? Beautiful!

    • Sandra says

      December 3, 2010 at 9:49 pm

      I don’t know. I don’t think *I* did.

  37. Jenn Calling Home says

    December 3, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    So beautiful. Glad I stopped by via Bonnie’s blog. Blessings!

    • Sandra says

      December 4, 2010 at 1:26 pm

      Thank you, Jenn. I’m glad you stopped by, too. Still trying to make the “rounds.”

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I’m Sandra, a camera-toting, recovering doer who’s learning to be. still. Read more…

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Time out for a little #berniememes fun. Time out for a little #berniememes fun.
“We don’t know when he will act. In his time, “We don’t know when he will act. In his time, no doubt, not ours.” ~ Peter in Prince Caspian
🌱
It’s Inauguration Morning. Prayers for the incoming and the outgoing. Prayers for all of us because we are all exhausted. Prayers for peace and patience and safety and wisdom and more compassion and more kindness and more love and unity. And, please Lord, no more virus.
“Courage, dear heart.” 🌱 “. . . I am the “Courage, dear heart.”
🌱
“. . . I am the great Bridge Builder”
~ Aslan in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
🌱
A plea... can we stop with the caustic criticism and the tearing down and the canceling and the division and focus on listening and compassionate conversation and love and generosity and unity? Can we take courage, dear hearts, and become bridge builders?
“To know what *would* have happened, child?” s “To know what *would* have happened, child?” said Aslan. “No. Nobody is ever told that.”
🌱
“Oh dear,” said Lucy.
🌱
“But anyone can find out what *will* happen,” said Aslan.
. . . 
“Go and wake the others and tell them to follow. If they will not, then you at least must follow me alone.”
🌱
~ from Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity. ~ Psalm 133:1
🌱
I expect that goes for sisters, too.
One of my favorite poems in friend @jody_lee_colli One of my favorite poems in friend @jody_lee_collins new book is the last one, "What My Grandkids Will Say About Me on Oprah." I sent it to my daughter @aeking8511 and asked what she (or her kids) would say about me. She sent this back to me and clarified that it was a quick flow without proofing. It made me laugh and also made me teary. I did *not* ask permission to share it. But I just had to.

“I don't know that I've ever watched Oprah, but I would say:

“When my kids talk to Oprah about their Nama, they will express her love for books, taking trips, and taking pictures of frozen iguanas.

“Our Nama would send us books all the time. She knew we needed to get off the electronics and get lost in our imaginations like she did. But the truth is, the books we received weren't even 1% of the books that Amazon sent to her house.

“She loved to take pictures, causing our car ride from point A to point B to randomly stop in the middle of the road. Papa learned very quickly to hit the brakes and pull over because maybe--just maybe--there might be a bird sitting on a fence near a weathered barn.

“Her love for trips was inspiring, because unlike our Mom's trips of margaritas and sunshine, our Nama's trips were to Haiti and places where she could love like Jesus loved. And write with other writers, to dig deep and write--wait, besides poems, what did she write again? Anyway, she met a lot of friends through writing and going to places like Haiti. Even if they had to be escorted by big men and guns to the orphanage in Haiti, or possibly die in a hurricane, she didn't care. She took those children back in her heart and never let them go. And if she didn't already have us, she may have physically brought them home.

“Our Nama was special. She made the best lasagna and goulash, and her scent emanates through her favorite perfume--Amazing Grace. She even bought us some so we can smell her any time we want.

“P.S. If you ever see a frozen iguana, stand still and take a picture.”
🌱

https://www.amazon.com/Hearts-Pilgrimage-Jody-L-Collins/dp/1736277413
Pondering words before speaking them. Pondering words before speaking them.
There was good in 2020. But most of it was awful. There was good in 2020. But most of it was awful. Awful. Awful. Awful. Yesterday was horrific. My prayer is that our leaders—that all of us—after sitting a short season in the ashes—can rise above the rubble, refined by the fire. That we can find more love, more compassion, more kindness. That all of us can work together to solve problems. That we can agree to disagree. That we can speak words that heal and not destroy. May 2021 be a year of new beginnings.
Reflecting on the past. Dreaming of the future. W Reflecting on the past. Dreaming of the future. 
What are you doing today?
D: Wow! Your foot is really black and blue. Me: I D: Wow! Your foot is really black and blue.

Me: It's yellow.

D: It's colorful. It's pretty. It looks almost like the northern lights.

Official diagnosis from my PT order: "Lateral malleolus avulsion fracture." That's a bright side. It could be worse. But apparently I still won't be running any marathons any time soon. He ordered PT 3x a week for 6 weeks. We will see about that. 

I will spare you a picture of my northern lights. But here’s some purple ones from a neighborhood walk when I *didn’t* fall. And how about this one of Kolbie and Brooks instead? This lights up my life. (Sorry @ryeruffking - I just had to steal-share it.) 

Also, I could be sitting up north cuddling Brooks, playing Legos with big brother Dax, and getting my makeup/hair/nails done by Kolbie. All in due time. Hopefully, before Brooks starts walking and Kolbie starts kindergarten.
In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIT MDCCCXXXIII: 106 BY ALFR In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIT MDCCCXXXIII: 106
BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON
🔔
Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
 The flying cloud, the frosty light:
 The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
 Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
 The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind
  For those that here we see no more;
 Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
 And ancient forms of party strife;
 Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
 The faithless coldness of the times;
 Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
 The civic slander and the spite;
 Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
 Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
 Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
 The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
 Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
🔔
I hope your new year is filled with more sunshine than clouds, more joy than sadness, more laughter than tears.
#2020bestnine #bestnine2020 #topnine2020 #2020bestnine #bestnine2020 #topnine2020
Taken on December 19–technically still fall. Yes Taken on December 19–technically still fall. Yes, Virginia. There is fall in South Florida.
🍂
Speaking of fall. I took one Saturday night while out for a walk. We hadn’t been home for even an hour after celebrating Christmas with our son and family, including our new grand boy.
🍂
I fractured my ankle, so I’m guessing it will be a while before we are back in the Loxahatchee, and I will have to post old photos. 
🍂
The deal gives a whole new meaning to this ornament I ordered. It arrived while we were gone, and the neighbor brought it over with our mail on Sunday. I’m guessing there will still be places in 2021 where I won’t be going. But I’m hoping for lots of good things for all of us in the new year. 
🍂
Last night they flew east to west. This morning we Last night they flew east to west. This morning west to east. Where do they go? What are they? Starlings???
Every evening. Thousands of them. Heading to roost Every evening. Thousands of them. Heading to roost in the “swamp,” I guess.
I think I’ve posted this every year since I wrot I think I’ve posted this every year since I wrote it...

Seed of Yahweh

I’ve been thinking about this seed of Yahweh
conceived in love, then planted in the cave of a woman-child,
confined and nurtured in her soft dark womb,
nourished with her every heartbeat.
.
How cells of cell multiplied until he fluttered light,
then stretched and rose like yeast bread in her warm belly
until her body could no longer contain him.
.
How the walls closed in, contracted, kneaded,
and she expelled him down that painful passage toward the light.
How with a gush of blood and water he slid wet into the night
and was laid in a cold stone trough.
.
Whose hands touched him first, this son of man?
His earthly father’s?
Some midwife's?
Did his parents count his perfect fingers–
the fingers of God himself?
.
I think about those tiny hands that fisted around their fingers,
that held their hands as he grew,
about those hands that planted seeds in soil,
shaped wood, chiseled stone,
hands that touched and healed and held a scroll,
fingers that wrote in dirt.
.
How one day he, light of lights,
staggered down another narrow, painful passage,
toward the darkness, pummeled and beaten by hands of others as his own slivered palms quivered
with the weight of a heavy cross.
.
How he was stretched wide, this bread of life.
How this one whose hands pounded nails to build
accepted pounded nails meant to break Creator by created,
and how his mother’s heart exploded
with the pain of it and for the love of him.
.
I think of how his own limp body could not hold him,
how with a gush of blood and water he slipped his earthly life,
and how his mother may have caressed
and kissed those blood-stained hands.
.
I think about this seed of Yahweh,
this son of man, planted in a cave of earth,
confined to cold, dark stone
until the tomb could not contain him,
how he stretched and rose, this bread of life,
and how he comes to us still and plants himself in our hearts,
becomes our heartbeat for the love of us.
So our hearts explode with the pain of it and for the love of him.
.
And we cannot contain him.
.
~SHK, 2011
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother si “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him. The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’”~ Luke 17:3-4
🌱
“They thought this command for forgiveness was a demand for more faith, when all along it is actually an invitation to obedience . . . Forgiveness will be their [disciples] new yoke.”
~ Michael Card in Luke: The Gospel of Amazement
🌱
I guess that becomes our yoke, our work, too.
“No servant can serve two masters, for either he “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” ~ Luke 16:13
🌱
“But the second half of verse 13 reveals that Jesus has been speaking metaphorically. *We* are the slaves who must decide if our devotion will be solely placed in God or in worldly things. In the end, it is a matter of which value system you accept. Things are of minimal importance. People matter more. Our devotion to God matters most.” ~ Michael Card in Luke: The Gospel of Amazement
“‘For this my son was dead, and is alive again “‘For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.” ~ Luke 15:24
🌱
“It is the kind of radical reversal Luke loves most. The hopeless son, who deserves slavery, is mercifully restored to full sonship, while the stunning revelation comes that it is the older son who has really been a slave all along—a slave to his hatred for the loving kindness of his generous and noble father.” ~ Michael Card in Luke: The Gospel of Amazement
🌱
It’s all so upside down.
“Salt is good, but if salt has lost his taste, h “Salt is good, but if salt has lost his taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is of no use either for the soil or for the manure pile. It is thrown away. He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” ~ Luke 14:34-35
🌱
“Jesus’ closing statement about salt seems abrupt. But it is perfectly in keeping with all that has gone before. The salt in Jesus’ area came from the Dead Sea and could contain impurities that would cause it to become rancid. This explains the notion of how salt could ‘lose its saltiness.’ It must remain pure to fulfill its purpose.” ~ Michael Card in Luke: The Gospel of Amazement
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