Sandra Heska King

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I’m Not Happy

October 21, 2010 By Sandra Heska King

I’m not happy with others.

A lot of the the time.

I’m not happy with their choices, the pain and disappointment they inflict on others and themselves. On me.

I’m not happy with the world.

A lot of the time.

Because children starve and people suffer.

Because the economy drowns in corruption and greed, and crime flourishes like kudzu.

Because a cracked and ravaged land tearless weeps for water.

I’m not happy with me.

A lot of the time.

Most of the time.

I’m not happy with my weight.

I’m not happy with my failures, my lack of discipline, our finances.

I’m not happy with my writing, my lack of writing,

I’m not happy with my age.

I’m definitely not happy with a lot of my choices.

I’m not happy with circumstances.

A lot of the time.

But I’m learning to not let them rule over me.

I’m learning to set my thermostat at joy and peace.

Because God loves and cares for me.

Because He holds me in the palm of His hand.

Because He is enthroned over all.

Because His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts.

Because His timing is not my timing, but my times are in His hands.

Because He works all things together for good for those who love Him.

Because I have hope. Now and in the future. Forever.

Sometimes the thermostat goes wonky and needs a reset.

But that’s okay.

I’m not happy.

But I’m busting out with joy.

And that makes me happy.

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” ~James 1:2-4 (Message)

Brewed for today’s Faith Barista Jam, responding to the question, “How Does Your Faith Connect to Your Happiness?”

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Also sharing in Emily’s Imperfect Prose on Thursdays where broken writers spill their crumbs.

Note: yes, we set our thermostat at 58.

Most of the time.

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Filed Under: stories and reflections

Comments

  1. Kati says

    October 21, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    I love the concept of not being happy but bursting out in joy at the same time. I think I’ll try to internalise that one.

  2. Michael says

    October 21, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I think you hit something very important. We can be unhappy and joyful at the same time. It’s a hard concept to grasp, but it’s true.

    Love this.

  3. mo says

    October 21, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    love it. happiness doesn’t equal joy. such great thoughts 🙂

    ps: i’m never happy with my weight either, but I’m joyful for who God made me to be!

  4. HisFireFly says

    October 21, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    I love your words and love you!
    You captured what my heart would say – I can be unhappy but still joy in Jesus!

  5. JoAnn says

    October 21, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    I adored the part about the kudzu!
    You captured the struggle in this one. Glad to meet you 🙂

  6. Faith Barista Bonnie says

    October 21, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Preach it sister! 🙂

    “I am not happy but I am His.”

    That is the voice I was left with, as I swallowed the last words of your post. Goosebumps (good kind) down my spine.

    I read the beginning.. check… check.. um, yea.. check.. 🙂

    And then, at the end. YES.

    We are safe and secure, even in the moments we are not happy.

    S-m-i-l-e!

    I love your spunky spirit, Sandra!

    Keep writing… ‘cuz we love getting to know you and enjoy your personality. Your writing has style, you know! Thanks for a gem of a post for the jam — yourself!

  7. Heidi Avery says

    October 21, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    Absolutely love this! Awesome, Awesome!

  8. Connie Mace says

    October 21, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Love this!

    “I’m learning to set my thermostat at joy and peace.
    Because God…”

  9. in the hush of the moon says

    October 21, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    oh sandra…

    how do you read me, every time?
    and you know, i’ve been seeking this joy… and trying to base it on my circumstances, but here, you say it so plainly: we can’t. we just have to set our thermostat, and leave it at that. in spite of the world’s sadness.

    thank you, friend. gorgeous prose. and i’m happy with you, if that helps. 🙂 i think you’re wonderful.

  10. Sheryl says

    October 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    So much of your unhappy list could be mine. I love your words (crime flourishes like kudzu!)and the thermostat image. You may not be happy with your writing, but this is amazing. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing it.

  11. Sharon Cohen says

    October 21, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    I never spoke the words you’ve written though I have felt the same sometimes. I thought it impossible to be joy filled and not happy – until it happened to me. You’ve got a new follower in me.

    Hi, I’m Sharon. I’m here from Emily’s Imperfect Prose, enjoying each link and inviting everyone to stop in for my contribution, #47 Hearten Soul, Communication.

  12. Keli Gwyn says

    October 22, 2010 at 12:08 am

    Wow, Sandra! What a wonderfully written message–and a much-needed one. Thanks for sharing this.

  13. Tami Heim says

    October 22, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Happy just happens.
    Joy and love endure.
    I love you, my friend.
    You bring me joy.
    /

  14. Susan J. Reinhardt says

    October 22, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    Hi Sandy –

    I see happiness as dependent upon circumstances, while joy comes from my relationship with the Lord. Even when I’m in a bad situation, I’m His child. I can go to Him and ask for wisdom and direction.

    Blessings,
    Susan 🙂

  15. Anne Lang Bundy says

    October 25, 2010 at 1:07 am

    You got me. In more way than one.

    And I’m happy about that. 😀

    (Joyful, too.)

  16. Olivia says

    October 30, 2010 at 10:28 am

    This is pretty nice one!! Both not and happy at the same time.. 🙂

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