I think my left side is permanently wrinkled.
I spent most of yesterday on it. I started by sitting on the couch to watch the news. And slid down ever so slowly. Basically into a stupor. One of those weird days where eyes refuse to focus. Momentarily sort of awake, sometimes, but not really. Incorporating news reports into my dreams. Hovering between the real and the unreal. Choking a devil dog that had me in its grip–and being relieved to find my kitty alive and well lying on my shoulder.
And then to bed, again on my left side. I’ll probably be deformed.
I’ve been ill for the last couple of weeks. And I thought the cure might just do me in.
I almost gave up. But I made it through. One dose at a time. Several prayers at a time.
And today, I’m so grateful for evaporated drug effects.
Sickness. Not a gift I asked for. Not a gift I wanted. But a gift allowed. And as I opened it layer by layer, I discovered and rediscovered:
1. A greater empathy for those who struggle with daily nausea and fatigue from whatever reason, and especially for those undergoing longterm chemotherapy.
2. A caring and supportive family and affirmation that I’d be missed if anything happened to me. (This after telling my husband to “just shoot me” if I ever contract this illness again or–worse–wind up with the same prescription “bomb” again.)
3. A circle of friends who prayed me through day by day, dose by dose, in spite of my whining.
4. The knowledge that my “suffering” paled in comparison to that of others, and also the knowledge that I’m still such a “weakling” I’m apparently not ready yet for big time challenges.
5. A reaffirmation to take better care of my body in terms of diet and exercise.
6. A better grasp of the wise words, “This, too shall pass” and “Do not worry about tomorrow.”
7. A reminder that sometimes it’s okay to just let go and REST!
And today, I feel more rested. I’m eating again. And though my body might be slightly wrinkled and deformed, I sport a smoother and stronger spirit.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:27
Copyright © 2010 by Sandra Heska King