When You Can’t See the Blessings on the Page

 

Management had made another decision.

“When will you take off your rose-colored glasses?” Suzie was frustrated. “See it for what it is. This is not right. It’s so messed up.”

Sometimes it seems a curse, this seeing the bright side of everything, this seeing the good side of everyone.

This simple trust, this naivety, it’s caused problems. It’s caused pain. Even to those I love most dear.

I’ve failed.

Big. Time.

But I’m over it.

Mostly.

Because I know the story is still a work in progress.

Sometimes I flip back through the pages. Try to tear some out, hide the bad, highlight the good, like the poetry we created at Laity Lodge. Try to create a bit of beauty out of my choices, my circumstances.

It doesn’t work that way, though. The pages want to pop right back into the binding. And my attempts at blackout smear their way onto the whole page, drip through the good, leak through to the other side.

But if I look real close, the black seeps red, and the page begins to take on a most intricate design, a rosy hue.

I see pages bound with blessings, pages bound for blessings.

So I try to look ahead, but those pages won’t turn, because I haven’t finished this page yet, and I can only turn one at a time.

But this page, it’s smudged with a relationship crisis between ones I love. And I wonder if I had made different choices, if circumstances had been different, would this page read differently?

And then I remember He’s writing the story, He knew the story before the beginning, before the characters entered the page, and He knows the end. And because He’s good, it’ll end well. I just have to live one page at a time.

So when betrayal bites and bitterness festers between ones I love. When their brokenness affects and infects all of us, and I’m helpless to do anything but stay and wait on the page, all I can do is slip on my rose-colored glasses and summon my simple trust in the Author and the Healer.

We’ll get through this. The page will turn. We’ll start a new chapter.

And in the midst of all this, God still shows up.

He floods the page with a highlight of grace.

This week I received notice of an unexpected and generous airfare gift. On the same day I got a smaller payment for a writing gig–like a red cherry of hope atop a dish of vanilla ice cream. Together they drip rosy pink across the page.

Together they add up to the exact amount I need right now to purchase round-trip tickets from Nashville to Jeremie, Haiti.

Sometimes God stuns me, binds me with blessings.

Even in the middle of a dark page.

 

And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion!
God in full view!
~Psalm 84:5-7 (MSG)

Joining my sweet friend, Jennifer

Unwrapping promises with Duane

And linking with Emily to answer the question, “What Does it Mean to be Blessed?

Comments

    • Sandra says

      It was certainly confirmation that I’m where He wants me, that I’m going where He wants me. :)

  1. says

    Living with “if only” can be debilitating. I prefer the “let go and let God” approach because all my stressing and self-recriminations won’t change anything. I guess that puts me in the “rose coloured glasses” camp, too. And those “highlight of grace”… they remind us that whatever else is going on in our lives, God is always in control of the bigger picture.

    I’m happy for you, too. Give thanks and be happy.

  2. says

    Lovely surprises amidst the tough stuff – thank God for those reminders of grace. Happy for you and with you, Sandy. But also trusting that the relationship roughness will smooth itself out, will open out to grace, too.

  3. says

    Grace shows up in the midst of it all in ways that we wouldn’t suspect. It sounds as though you are walking in Philippians 4:8.

  4. says

    oh sandra, this gave me shivers. of the good kind. i LOVE when he shows up in the mail. and in the form of generous gifts :) and in payments. i’m so happy for this blessing in your life. and by the way, you are a HUGE blessing in mine. love, em.

  5. says

    “So when betrayal bites and bitterness festers between ones I love. When their brokenness affects and infects all of us…”

    Oh, Sandy. That’s so, so hard.

    Sending love. And excitement about Haiti.

  6. says

    (tears)
    I feel this all the way
    to my ancestors,
    friend.
    And it’s more beautiful
    than I can find the words to say.
    Just offering this simple “thank you”
    and letting it stand alone
    because my heart is too full
    of hush
    to write any others.
    in a holy hush right now,
    Jennifer

  7. says

    Oh Sunday! What a God-incidence. God’s provision at just the right time, and then getting the cherry on top. Woo-hoo!

    I’m so excited to see what adventures God has prepared for you as you make your way to Haiti. It will be pure poetry!

    • Sandra says

      Can you stand it? BTW, I just got two ViBella necklaces and a pair of earrings. So beautiful.