weary – adjective\ˈwir-ē\
: lacking strength, energy, or freshness because of a need for rest or sleep
: bored or annoyed by something because you have seen it, heard it, done it, etc., many times or for a long time
: causing you to feel tired
This morning I took Grace to the eye doctor, an appointment rescheduled because we forgot an earlier one in life’s flurry–in spite of a reminder.
Her eyes have changed a bit for the worse. Not much. But enough that she needs new lenses to help her see.
I still need to reschedule my own forgotten cardiology appointment, and my mammogram. And I hope I don’t forget more things I’m supposed to do or places I’m supposed to be.
When I got home, I turned to the news. Jim Foley’s parents were speaking, and I dissolved into tears right there at the kitchen counter.
He’d been a prisoner for almost two years. I’d never heard of him. He was a son, an uncle, a brother. A writer.
I am so weary.
So weary of trying to keep up with the everyday of my own life and exhausted with the world’s chaos and cruelty.
Horrified at the brutality of this man’s death, beheaded–with a knife,they say–and now the threat of another journalist who may face the same end.
I can hardly bear it.
Can anyone?
I’m getting emails and messages from friends who are also overcome with the news of the last couple weeks. “Please pray,” they beg.
We are all undone.
Saturated with sadness.
A reporter asked the Foleys how they were finding their strength. “We’re in the moment,” they said. They went on to affirm courage in prayer cover.
They told of a son who “found my passion.” Who, his mother said, was compelled to tell the stories of those who suffered. Who, she said, was moved with compassion for others and often held his younger cell mates close when they lost their own strength.
He “gave his life trying to expose the world to the suffering of the Syrian people,” she wrote.
I am so weary.
So weary of the divisions and the suffering, heartbroken over the hate and anger and judgement, tired of the talking heads, paralyzed with all the pain and brokenness. I’m frustrated over my inability to do something–and that I don’t even want to know about any of it.
Last night I dreamed I floated with others on a big, round plate in the sky. The clouds gathered and swirled around us, spinning faster and faster. Someone slipped through the barrier that surrounded the platform’s edge and fell. A stiffish, dirty cotton ball swallowed me, and I could no longer see.
God, give me new lenses to see the world lit differently and the compassion to keep caring. Keep numbness far from me.
But for now I just want to sit in silence, to be in the moment. I want to go among the trees and let all this stirring settle, to find a place where hate won’t grow. I need you to remind me you’re still in control of a world that seems to be spinning out of control.
I want to make the grand girls spaghetti and laugh at the dogs and watch the corn tassels dance and eat watermelon and find animals in the clouds and watch my Tigers win a game.
But in this moment, God…
I am so weary.
Word count: 529
In the stillness,
Sandy
Linking with Charity and Jennifer
I so agree. life has been hard. I pray for you to find rest and peace once more.
We feel so torn between the silence that is so needed and the need to know… just enough…to know how to pray.
Let us encourage one another in this ‘process’ of finding hope.
Thank you, dear Sharon. There’s always strength in the stillness.
Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you. ~ 2 Corinthians 13:11 (NV)
Bless your tender heart of flesh, Sandy. It’s seriously doubtful you’ll ever be at risk of entering a place of numbness. Your heart is too tender to become calloused, brittle or numb. Rest in his unwavering sovereignty and present involvement, no matter what circumstances look like.
I know God will meet you in your still place amongst the trees.
Oh, Pat. Thank you for that. xoxo
I am weary with you, friend.
Then we need to hold each other up.
Sandy – I feel the heaviness in your shoulders and the sadness in your tone. I feel it too. In the world, in our country, even in our community. How long, o Lord. How long?
In His time. Until then, we wait. And rest. And pray. And love.
It is indeed easy to get weighed down in this world. When I am wise I go to scriptures like Psalm 73 for comfort. I like where Asaph says in verses 16-17 “But when I considered how to understand this, it was too great an effort for me and too painful, until I went into the sanctuary of God.” And it ends beautifully: “But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God and made Him my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.”
“When I am wise.” Yes.
The other day my 4-year-old grand girl was praying out loud. You know the first thing she said? “Give me wisdom.”
Thank you for your encouragement, Angela.
I am weary with you, Sandra. All the pain and violence can be so disheartening. Praying you will have silence among the trees where God will whisper, “Yes, I am still in control, and I will never leave you or forsake you!”
Yes, Trudy. We need to cling to the truth that He has always been/is now/and will always be in control.
You speak for all of us in this, Sandy. Amid the anger, hatred, and chaos, we must remember our God is bigger than all of it. He is still in control.
Love, blessings, and prayers for all who are suffering.
He. Is. Bigger. Hanging onto that.
You have put into words what I, too, have been feeling lately. It seems, at first glance, that evil is winning this spiritual battle, but the truth is that God is still in control and that He is always good. Know that you aren’t alone in your struggles. We are all praying and our God is listening. Thank you for the beautiful post!
Thank you so much, Heather. We can’t see what’s going on in the unseen places. There’s a battle raging. And we know who wins.
Oh, sweetie, it is all becoming a heavy weight, isn’t it? All week long I’ve told God I’m worn out. Not only the news and happenings all around, but also all the things swirling around our family. A couple of days ago, we received four crucial phone calls. In one day! Stress is heavy at our house, too. I’m praying for you, my sweet friend. Love you!
Oh, friend. Praying. Four calls in one day. 🙁
We are all tired, yes.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31
Yes, amen! And I’ll be your backup singer if you’ll be mine! 😉
Deal!
Oh Sandra, so beautifully said, for I too am weary. I’ve allowed the burdens of this world’s present happenings weigh on my shoulders. It is hard, sometimes, to remember that God is still there, still in control, yet so much of what’s happening makes no sense. We wonder, “How much worse can things get before Christ returns?” And yet, Scripture says it WILL be much, much worse. I guess that’s the part that weighs heaviest because, to our human hearts and minds, this is pretty bad already. As was stated by ‘Charity’: “How long, O Lord, how long?” Creation groans. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.