Sandra Heska King

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A Magnificent Yes!

March 22, 2012 By Sandra Heska King

My throat twisted in that familiar knot, and my stomach reached up and pulled it tighter. Why did I always assume I’d done something wrong when someone in authority called? But it turns out my boss only wanted me to take a new project because she felt I could do a dandy job. The mouse in me wasn’t so sure about that, and I already had several things going, but I said sure I’d be glad to and carried three three-inch binders back to my cubby.

Caught in the tension of a high-stress presentation, we might find ourselves playing out the same essential soul struggles we had as children with our parents or teachers, especially with those figures of authority who now dominate our work lives. ~p. 131

A few years later, another job, the CEO called, and I just knew I must be in huge trouble. But he was only calling to ask me to serve as interim director for a team of medical transcription editors. My head swelled with the thought of this “prestigious” title, and my heart pounded with the excitement and the fear of it. Even my broken foot throbbed more violently. But before I hung up the phone, I politely declined in my best lion cub voice and suggested another possible candidate. It was not long after that I quit the company altogether in order to pursue writing full-time.

I. Said. No.

A big deal coming from someone who has struggled with that word since childhood.

And so when I got to the part of chapter 4 (“Fire in the Voice”) of David Whyte’s Book The Heart Aroused headed “Saying No as a Path to the Soul,” I sat up right straight.

If we have little idea of what we really want from our lives, or what a soulful approach to our work might mean, then often the only entrance we have into soul comes from the ability to say a firm no to those things we intuit lead to a loss of vitality. This way is traditionally known as the via negativa, or “negative road,” not to be confused with those contemporary deadly sins in the organization of negativity or pessamism. The via negativa is the discipline of saying no when we have as yet no clarity about those things to which we can say yes. We take the via negativa when there is not yet any sign of the via positiva. But in the continuous utterance of the no is a profound faith that the yes will appear. ~p. 135

YES!

And I’m getting better at no.

Whyte talks about saying no in order to blossom at the right time. How saying yes too soon can cause us to bloom too soon. And I think about how I have to break the branches from the forsythia to force blooms to enjoy for a short time.

Then the branches die.

When we finally do blossom, he says, we can do so in surprising ways.

Better to prune while attached in order to eventually produce fruit and more fruit.

I love the story Whyte tells about the Poor Clare nun–the one who looked 27 though she was in her early 40s–who now served “Martha” nuns, exhausted from years of pouring themselves into others. She had spent over 20 years saying no to many things in order to spend much of her time in silence, in quiet contemplation. She had come to know herself and her God so well that she glowed with “an inexhaustible inner light.”

Out of those years of saying no blossomed a magnificent yes; magnificent because she would be nourishing much more than the physical health of those she would care for–a yes that could be followed fully because after all those years gathering her psyche into one single body of faith, every part of her would be uttering it. Yes! ~p. 139

My dad keeps a television going 24/7. When my mom was alive, they had two televisions on different stations going 24/7.

Loud.

A lot of people do, I think, for the company, for the noise. We seem afraid of silence, afraid of being only with ourselves. Maybe we’re afraid of what we’ll see or feel or hear in the stillness.

But what if we sacrificed our yes’s?

What if we pushed fear aside, if even for a small time every day?

What if we worked in the quiet to hear His voice?

What if we sat in silence and made friends with our souls?

In order to say a magnificent YES?

 

 

Reflecting on Chapter 4 of The Heart Aroused by David Whyte. Reading in community with Tweetspeak Poetry friends–though they are further ahead than I am.

 

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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Comments

  1. diana says

    March 23, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    The book is on its way to my front door TODAY. And that is primarily due to your and Lyla’s excellent contributions to this meme, this invitation. This is just as good as the last – and so, so important. And so.dang.hard. Saying ‘no’ is a skill that must be learned as well as a discipline that needs to be regularly honed. Do you know anything about the enneagram? It’s a personality analysis tool that takes a long time to discern, but I am a number two. And I’m betting you are as well. “The Helper” it’s called. And that NO must be learned so that the YES becomes real and healthy. Beautiful work, Sandy. Thank you.

    • Sandra says

      March 23, 2012 at 4:55 pm

      Oh, I wish I could think and write like Miss Lyla. No. Wait. I’m happy to be me.

      I’ve taken lots of personality tests, but not that one. But we have so much in common, I wouldn’t be surprised. Now I’m off to check it out.

  2. L.L. Barkat says

    March 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Gotta use that pic for our last post. Just great with the mug (and it will be even better than the other pic I thought I might use… of yours šŸ™‚

    • Sandra says

      March 23, 2012 at 4:39 pm

      Fine by me. I’ll send the original. šŸ™‚

  3. Nikole Hahn says

    March 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I said yes too many times and burned out. Finally, I said no and now I am so much more peaceful, and more careful about when or if I say yes.

    I like silence when I read or when I nap, but when I am busy doing things, I like noise. Noise keeps me from relaxing so I can get things done. No noise…well…it’s naptime. LOL.

    • Sandra says

      March 23, 2012 at 4:38 pm

      So, that’s why I never get anything done! I like it quiet. zzzzzzzzzz

  4. Lyla Lindquist says

    March 23, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Sandy, I love how you and Diana think and write. The both of you. Because you bring me in and help me think. And that means the world to me.

    That you’ve taken the time with these chapters, it makes me so happy. This book is just something else. I wish I’d had it 15 years ago. And read it every year since. This chapter, I don’t know if I liked it more than chapter 3 or not, but they were neck and neck. No allows a true yes. And it allows the unexpected. And that’s all I can really articulate about it. šŸ˜‰

    So thank you. Truly.

  5. imperfect prose says

    March 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    i’m so proud of you friend. truly. i’m learning the freedom of NO, too. and it feels good. real good. šŸ™‚

  6. Dolly says

    March 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    Wonderful write-up, Sandy…good for you for saying “no”…I am slowly learning to say that more often and it has been freeing šŸ™‚

  7. kd sullivan says

    March 24, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    But in the continuous utterance of the no is a profound faith that the yes will appear. ~p. 135

    Finding myself running to the homeschool finish line, I find myself saying no often these days. I am guarding myself for a special yes! Praying that I’ll recognize it when it comes…

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Talking with D about his grandfather. One of the f Talking with D about his grandfather. One of the farmhands said Grandpa King was one of the toughest men he ever knew. In the dead of a Michigan winter, he wore a baseball cap instead of a knit hat. In April through October he never wore a shirt.
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Once he was raking hay and while trying to get the rake in gear, he fell against the tractor fender. He finished raking hay. Then for the next two days, he rode on a combine bagging oats, bouncing and breathing in dust and lifting bags. After 3 days, he said, ā€œI don’t feel very good. I’m gonna go to the doctor snd see what’s wrong.ā€ He had two or three broken ribs, a punctured lung, and pneumonia.
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D said he only saw him tear up three times.
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1. When his 19-year-old grandson died from a heart condition.
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2. When D said, ā€œ Goodbye Grandpa. I’ll see you in the spring.ā€ ( D was maybe 11 or 12. ) Grandpa was on his way to FL for the winter and knew he probably wouldn’t be back. He died about a month later.
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3. When he talked about the fact that the hotels in FL would not let black baseball players stay there. That was in the 50s.
ā€œBe like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.ā€ ā€œBe like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.ā€ -Rumi
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Even if it’s spring.
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This evening’s walk.
Happy place. Happy place.
E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home.
Side effects update - 50 hours post Covid vaccine Side effects update - 50 hours post Covid vaccine #2...
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Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nope. None. Not even a sliver.
No chocolate this year. Besides, the neighborhood No chocolate this year. Besides, the neighborhood raccoon we saw up the tree the other night has (had?) a sweet tooth and stole the box the next-door hubby had delivered--took it around the side of their house and ate it all.

Also no flowers or cards. 

Just this. And her name shall be called... drum roll...

We loved all the suggestions. But we also wanted to keep the love connection--and I wanted to let D finally get to choose a name for our 13th (if I've remembered all of them) cat. The rescue named her Valentine, so since she's the only Valentine either of us are getting today, we decided to keep that name--but as a middle name. D has been calling her "Lucy Vallie."

Lucy--for Lucille Ball (I Love Lucy) and her mischief and troublemaking. We've already seen signs of mischief in the shattered antique bottle we'd discovered next to our farmhouse in Michigan. It sat on the windowsill over the bathtub--silly me in having neglected to totally cat-proof--and in the missing top to my contact lens case--that D finally found next to the litter box. 

Also, there's the light-shedding Luci Shaw... whose poetry I love. 

And Lucy Pevensie from the Chronicles of Narnia who superly loved Aslan.

So now we have Lucy the Goose and Lucy Valentine whom we already love and expect lots of love and light and laughs from. And probably lots of mischief. She also has trouble staying still long enough for pictures.

How is Sophie taking to her? Well, they are still pretty much separated. This morning there were some barks and squeals and hisses and growls. But we will get there.

Happy Valentine's Day to us. And to you from all of us. ā¤ļø
Peekaboo... I see you little cutie in the next doo Peekaboo... I see you little cutie in the next door neighbor’s tree. (I’ve got to start carrying the camera at all times.) #eveningwalk
Trees are confused. #fallingcolor #notfall Trees are confused. #fallingcolor #notfall
It’s that time of year again. #bufoserenade It’s that time of year again. #bufoserenade
I’m a sucker for a rainbow. I’m also now very I’m a sucker for a rainbow. I’m also now very wet.
ā€œThere’s no knowing. But courage, child: we ar ā€œThere’s no knowing. But courage, child: we are all between the paws of the true Aslan.ā€ ~ King Tirian in The Last Battleā€
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In other news, since I was able to hike last night, I’ve been cleaning up my ā€œnestā€ where I’ve hung out for the last month—elevating, icing, snoozing, reading, watching more movies than I’ve watched in a year. I’m happy to report that during this time I’ve read every book in The Chronicles of Narnia, including The Magician’s Nephew that I had to get from the library cuz I don’t know what happened to my copy. First time. Don’t judge. Though I *did* see the LWW when the movie first came out if that counts.
Saw this beauty on our hike last night. Check out Saw this beauty on our hike last night. Check out those feet. And it moved more gracefully than I did. #purplegallinule
And that’s a wrap. Furthest I’ve walked in a m And that’s a wrap. Furthest I’ve walked in a month. I might feel it tomorrow, but it feels so good today. No broken ankle is gonna keep me down for long.
Here. On a whim. No crutches. No boot. No scooter. Here. On a whim. No crutches. No boot. No scooter. Walking slow.
ā€œalert as an admiralā€ ~ Mary Oliver in ā€œHawk ā€œalert as an admiralā€ ~ Mary Oliver in ā€œHawkā€
Thursday, my ortho told me I could start weaning m Thursday, my ortho told me I could start weaning my ankle from the boot and crutches on Saturday--which would have been 3 weeks from injury. So I went home that same day and discontinued the boot. The next day I hung up the sticks. Today I canceled PT. I know what to do, and I will do it cuz you can't keep an adventure girl down for long. But I suppose that means the days of being waited on are over. I may have just sabotaged myself.

Also, my FB memories told me I canceled PT for something (I can't even remember what) 11 years ago this day. I took both cheers and jeers for that in the comments. šŸ˜‚
He thinks I can’t see him. He’s wrong. Camoufl He thinks I can’t see him. He’s wrong. Camouflaged but not concealed. #kingofthehedge
Breakfast. Not sharing. Breakfast. Not sharing.
Time out for a little #berniememes fun. Time out for a little #berniememes fun.
ā€œWe don’t know when he will act. In his time, ā€œWe don’t know when he will act. In his time, no doubt, not ours.ā€ ~ Peter in Prince Caspian
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It’s Inauguration Morning. Prayers for the incoming and the outgoing. Prayers for all of us because we are all exhausted. Prayers for peace and patience and safety and wisdom and more compassion and more kindness and more love and unity. And, please Lord, no more virus.
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