Sandra Heska King

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Five Minutes with Older: I’m Not Ready to See Jesus

August 26, 2011 By Sandra Heska King

It’s Friday.

And it’s Lisa Jo’s birthday.

So today our prompt is older.

Five minutes to let it spill.

This should be easy . . .

GO!

I’m getting older.

With way fewer years on this earth ahead than behind.

I have a lot more I want to do and see.

But the sands of time are being washed away.

And sometimes it scares me.

It used to be old people that died.

But now my friends are passing on.

Even those younger.

I hope I can live another 40 (well, 38 minus a few months) years, make it to 100 and still be as chipper as the woman I saw pushing mail around the hospital.

I always thought wisdom came with age.

I don’t really feel older.

Except that my body doesn’t look or act the way it used to.

Though I still sit cross-legged and like to prop my feet up on the dashboard.

When my husband drives, of course.

I don’t see as well.

And I don’t like to drive at night.

And I certainly don’t feel much wiser.

In fact, I’m amazed at how much I still need to grow.

I do notice that I trust more, don’t worry as much.

But here’s the clincher.

Are you ready?

Cuz I’m gonna say it.

I can’t believe I’m going to say it.

I’m not all that ready to see Jesus face to face.

I’m not all that anxious or excited about it.

There.

I said it.

GASP!

I like it here.

I love the beauty in this world.

I don’t think I’ve soaked up enough of it.

But I guess it’s not really up to me anyway.

The deal is that I don’t know the deal from moment to moment.

And so I’ll just try to live one day, one moment, at a time.

Trying to reflect His image in every stage.

STOP!

 

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Comments

  1. brittany says

    August 26, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    love your honesty, sandra. ‘the deal is that i don’t know the deal from moment to moment.’ amen!

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 8:57 am

      Sometimes it’s a surprise what words fall out when we do these things, isn’t it? Thanks for coming by, Brittany.

  2. Megan Willome says

    August 26, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Sandra, I think you’re perfectly normal. It’s people like me that aren’t.

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 8:58 am

      But you know, if the moment comes in my lifetime that I see Him coming on the clouds, I’m thinking I’ll be pretty excited. 🙂

  3. Linda says

    August 26, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    I can absolutely identify with every single bit of this Sandy. Well done!

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 9:08 am

      Patience. I should have said I have more patience, too. Maybe that’s why I’m willing to wait. 😉

  4. S. Etole says

    August 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    I so agree with what you are saying …

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 9:09 am

      I wish I’d had the eyes to see and appreciate the now sooner . . .

  5. laura says

    August 26, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    THis gave me goose bumps and made me feel sad and happy all at the same time. Really making me think tonight. Don’t know if that is so good!

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 3:18 pm

      Thinking too much gives me a headache. 😉 I used to read obituaries, checked the ages and cause of death. I don’t do that any more. I guess it’s always good to be aware of the fragility of life at every age and make the most of every day. I know my destiny, but there’s that part of me that hopes He tarries long enough to pull some others onto the cloud. And I can’t how imagine the beauty of heaven can compare with what He’s created here.

  6. diana says

    August 27, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Oh honey, I’m right there with you – with a few years added. I think I’m readier to meet Jesus than I was 30 years ago, but you know what? I’m not in a hurry, either. Even with all the crap and the hard stuff and the suffering I see, the suffering I read about – I love this life, I love this world. I’m right there with you.

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 3:23 pm

      Linking arms with you, Diana. I am more ready, too, and trusting I’ll be more so when He’s ready for me. I do love how He’s made Himself visible in this world, and I’m a little sad that I’ve only recently started to really appreciate seeing Him in it. I can’t even imagine the beauty He has planned for us.

  7. Sheila Lagrand says

    August 27, 2011 at 8:53 am

    I’d like to claim a spot next to Diana. Because she said exactly what I was thinking.

    • Sandra says

      August 27, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      So glad I’m not alone! My heart aches for Him, but oh to sense that completeness here . . . now . . .

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