A whole day and evening to myself.
At least that was my plan.
My hope.
Because some days I just get so weary.
I guess I’m kind of the family matriarch.
And the almost constant caretaking sometimes weighs heavy.
And I get tired of the sacrifice.
Sometimes I just need a break.
I mean–who takes care of the matriarch?
But here I am at soccer practice.
The fields are full, but I only hear our coach.
Spread out, girls.
Gracee, you’ve been with me for two years, and you don’t know if you kick or throw from that spot?
Work with each other!
Pass the ball!
Kick it!
I hear a train whistle in the distance and the rumble of thunder.
Storm brewing.
I close my eyes and focus on the ribbons of hair that tease my cheeks in the breeze.
And I think of how L.L. opens her chapter on submission.
On cold days, I see steam from my teacup. It is a scarf held by an invisible hand. Vapor undulates, as if some Bolero song teases it onward, upward. Perhaps this show of air and steam will rouse the prickly pine from her slumber. ~God in the Yard, p. 101
She talks about Jesus’ unruffled spirit.
What she calls His cool-as-a-cucumber demeanor.
Knowing exactly who He was and what He wanted.
Knowing how to submit.
How submission is sometimes giving.
Sometimes receiving.
Sometimes leading.
Sometimes following.
But true submission is more like the art of working with a person or situation, the way steam from my teacup works with the breeze. ~God in the Yard, p. 104
Like a soccer team that works together?
Spreading out.
Running with the ball.
Passing the ball.
Kicking the ball.
And why would we want to engage in this art? For the purpose of putting on the best life-party possible. ~God in the Yard, p. 104
She goes on to describe how Jesus worked with his mother to produce the finest wine at a wedding even though His time had not yet come.
How He worked with the crowd in the garden when they came to arrest Him.
How He even worked with Pilate in His silence.
Jesus worked with situations and people as they presented themselves.
And here I am taking on grandgirl duties for the evening because my daughter is ill.
When I really craved some quiet time.
And now I’m also trying to think of something to cook since the husband who wasn’t coming home until late now will come early.
So much for alone time.
So much for a TV dinner or just a handful of M&M’s.
Another lesson in working with circumstances.
Going with the flow.
Bending in the wind.
Without anger or resentment.
The Blue Letter Bible notes the word that the word submit (in the New Testament) was a Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader.'” In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.”
Kind of like a soccer team that works with each other?
Or a family matriarch?
So real submission has no formulaic face. It can look like acquiescence or it can look like rebellion. But its center is a love that works with. ~God in the Yard, p. 105
I lift my face to the breeze.
I smooth my ruffles.
I bow to His breath.
And I center.
I let go.
I will walk with.
And I will work with.
Because He takes care of the matriarch.
Stepping into Submission–anew,
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
~Proverbs 3:4-5 (NIV)
Linking with Bonnie as she asks, “What is something new God is asking you to step out in?”
And spilling crumbs with Emily and community.
oh sandra… i needed this today. i love how you drew us immediately into the field, into your thoughts, and how i felt the breeze on my face at the end of it all. this is a post that needs to be read by all women. a beautiful write, friend.
This is beautiful and makes me want to jump ahead in my reading. But then, I wouldn’t be doing the sitting still and discovering and playing stuff along the way. I’m really excited about this book.
I laughed when I saw the word matriarch in your post. The campus minister at a nearby university introduced me to some of the students as one of the church matriarchs. I told him I was going to kick him in the shins with the pointy toe of my cowboy boots if he ever called me that again. The word matriarch makes me feel old. And way too respectable. Which is why a book about playing towards God appeals to me, I guess.
Lovely 🙂
this is so encouraging to me. So often I find myself resisting and not bending, brittle not lithe. Thank you for sharing your struggle and the joy in releasing to His care.
I lift my face to the breeze.
I smooth my ruffles.
I bow to His breath.
Beautiful and calming.
Oh, yes – thank you for this. I’m adding L.L.’s book to my Amazon wish list and resonating so strongly with the texture and tenor of this reflection. I, too, am a matriarch (I guess) and one does get weary with the caretaking at times. But…you sat still long enough to bend instead of snap and went with the flow….sometimes that’s really important to do. Thanks for writing about it so beautifully.