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Fuel for the Weekend: I’m a Lenten Failure

March 11, 2011 By Sandra Heska King

Lent is the time for trimming the soul and scraping the sludge off a life turned slipshod. Lent is about taking stock of time, even religious time. Lent is about exercising the control that enables us to say no to ourselves so that when life turns hard of its own accord, we have the stamina to yes to its twists and turns with faith and hope…. Lent is the time to make new efforts to be what we say we want to be. ~Joan Chittister (The Rule of Benedict: Insight for the Ages)

I knew it was coming when I saw paczki stacked.

(I’m partial to prune. With a filling like that, it just has to be good for you.)

But Lent always catches me off guard.

It’s hard to think of sacrifice and denial when earth rises from winter tomb.

When I wake up to the sights and sounds of spring.

From letting go to letting loose.

Birds return.

Buds pop.

Melting moments.

Life explodes.

I tried to give up chocolate once.

I failed.

All I could think of was how much I wanted needed it.

I focused on me.

I had ashes applied to forehead once.

Very meaningful.

Dust to dust.

Ashes to ashes.

But He turns ashes to beauty and mourning to joy.

Laura received the ashes on her hand. Her pastor said it was better this way.

The ashes are for me to see, she said. To remind me of my sin. Not for everyone else.

It makes perfect sense.

To ponder the marked palm.

But it’s a temporary tattoo.

One that will fade.

Several years ago I lay spread-eagled on the floor in prayer.

“Let me feel it,” I begged. “Let me feel what He felt. Let me bear some of that pain”

And then a whisper to my heart.

It’s over. Finished. It’s not your pain to bear.

He’s already done it.

For me.

The ashes will fade.

The beauty remains.

Life is full.

Because He has done it.

And I am permanently engraved in His palm.

A mark that will not fade.

I’m a Lenten failure.

I just can’t follow through.

Ann says she can’t either.

I can’t seem to follow through in giving up for Lent.

Which makes me want to just give up Lent.

Which makes me question Who I am following.

Which may precisely be the point of Lent.

I struggle with what I can give up for Lent this year.

What can I let go of in order to follow Him?

And for me, perhaps it’s this:

A continued purge of those things external that demand attention.

That tug at my heart and mind.

That keep me from keeping Him in focus.

One large item.

Or a bag of small items.

Each day.

For forty days.

A spring cleaning.

Clutter patrol on the march again.

Not very spiritual.

But as I drag the weight out of the house, perhaps I’ll feel lighter in spirit.

Lenten light.

And heart rended.

To rest.

Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands. Isaiah 49:16s (Amplified)

How are you observing Lent?

Find links to other Lenten thoughts at the Moonboat Cafe.

Joining Emily in spilling crumbs.

Joining Cheryl on her Simplify Journey.

The Simplify Journey

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Filed Under: stories and reflections

Comments

  1. Cassandra Frear says

    March 11, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

    • Sandra says

      March 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

      🙂

  2. Megan Willome says

    March 11, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Your experience is just as valid as someone who keeps Lent in a more traditional way.
    For me, this year, I am meditating in stillness for 15 minutes each day, actually heeding the call to rest from my doctor.

    • Sandra says

      March 11, 2011 at 1:42 pm

      Rest for the body as well as the spirit. Can’t think of a better prescription for Lent–or any time of year.

  3. nance marie says

    March 11, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    the layers peel
    melt away
    move aside
    making way for
    new

    • Sandra says

      March 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

      I’ve been peeling for a long time. 😉

  4. Brooke says

    March 11, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    perfect. as for me, i failed on day 2. (giving up soda). then God reminded me of His grace and how I didn’t have to be perfect. so day 3 i’m honoring him with lemonade.

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:50 pm

      His grace is made perfect in our weakness.

      Now I want a glass of lemonade. 🙂

  5. Anne Lang Bundy says

    March 11, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    … finished … not your pain to bear …

    How my soul rejoices in those words!

    Fellowship with Him in the sufferings we do have is more than sufficient.

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:51 pm

      Tetelestai!

  6. Brenda says

    March 11, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Beautiful. I’m giving up “me” for Lent. This was my first year with the actual ashes….very meaningful. It’s a special time no matter what we do/don’t do.

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:56 pm

      Oh, to be able to give up “me” every moment.

      I’m so glad you’re loving your new church.

      I’ve been thinking about a bottle or a bowl of ashes, maybe on the kitchen windowsill, that I could gaze at every day. And remember.

  7. Lyla Lindquist says

    March 11, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Sandy, fail away. Fall flat. It brings us where we need to be, remembering what we cannot do for ourselves, why we need Him so in the first place.

    I suspect if I could manage something — anything — for 40 days in a row I’d figure I didn’t need Him at all anymore.

    As it is, what I’ve left behind for these weeks will take all He has to give me to pull off.

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:58 pm

      Love these words. I’m so thrilled when I can make it through anything for half that time. Praying that you, with Him, will pull “it” off.

  8. deidra says

    March 11, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    This is the second place today I’ve seen Lent referred to as spring cleaning. It resonates with me. And since it’s the second time I’ve seen it, I’m going to let it soak in for awhile. Along with Lyla’s words. That Lyla. She’s something else, isn’t she?

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:58 pm

      Love that Lyla!

  9. S. Etole says

    March 11, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    there’s beauty in the budding …

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 2:59 pm

      🙂 And from the bud comes the bloom . . .

  10. imperfect prose says

    March 12, 2011 at 12:35 am

    this is exquisite writing sandra. and i am so grateful you feel this way. it lifts such a heavy load from me… (and i love the quote that opens this post up; i’m attaching it to the bottom of my emails, if that’s okay :)) xo

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 3:00 pm

      More than okay!

      Maybe next year I’ll try something more traditional and intentional–but only without the weight. 🙂

      Love you, Emily.

  11. Cheryl Smith says

    March 12, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    I thought I was giving up bread, but maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Even Peter suggested I consume bread, with gratitude. Maybe I was more concerned about weight gain and loss than about sacrifice and self control to make room for Him. The truth is, I need both.

    This morning after reading @annvoskamp’s post from yesterday, I pondered if I should view Lent as a time to say “Yes!” instead of “No!” What would it look like if I said “yes” instead of my instinctive, grumpy, “no!”

    Deidra wrote about having fun. Maybe that’s a word for me too.

    With so much need for dying to self, you’ve got me thinking!

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 3:06 pm

      Yes!! 🙂

      I need both, too. And Paul talked about bringing his body under control. Maybe if we changed our perspective and said yes to health while saying no to–well, M&M’s?

      Maybe if we lived to Him, dying to self would be more “fun.”

  12. Cheryl Smith says

    March 12, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    And by the way, I’ve never heard of paczkies (is that the plural) but I can see why they would be tempting!

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 3:12 pm

      paczek = singular = POAN chek)
      paczki = plural = POANCH kee

      Someday I want to find and try a plum filled or a rose-flavored one.

  13. Dena Dyer says

    March 12, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    Great, thought-provoking post, Sandy. Your words help me to slow down and ponder God’s mysteries. A gift, indeed. 🙂

    Still thinking about Lent and wondering about what God wants me to give up. Deidra’s post sure resonated with me. So does yours!

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      Benedict said the “life of a monk ought to be a continuous Lent.” I would love to live like that. Another thing that I’ve considered for Lent–and I don’t guess it’s too late–is to spend the time I have alone in silence. No music. No TV.

  14. Harriett says

    March 12, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Came over here from F, F, F — and I am glad I visited — I loved the way you presented this…

    It was real.

    Glad I stopped by….

    🙂

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 3:20 pm

      Thanks, Harriet. I’m so glad you stopped by, too!

  15. JoDee Luna says

    March 12, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Boy do I love your thinking! I’m not a Lent success story by any means. Gone are the days of religious sacrifice. I’m shooting for a day-by-day Spirit led walk, or at least as close to that as I can come, in spite of my annoying humanness.

    Your photos are as beautiful as your message. Thanks for inspiring me today!

    • Sandra says

      March 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm

      You’ve encouraged and inspired me today, JoDee. Thanks so much for coming by.

  16. Meryl Jaffe says

    March 13, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    “melting moments life explodes”

    Wow!

    Loved the post. I am new to this and will be back!

    Meryl

    • Sandra says

      March 13, 2011 at 4:23 pm

      Thanks so much, Meryl. Welcome!

  17. Joybird says

    March 14, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    His reponse to you was so tender and so freeing. What joy for Him to tell you “it is finished.” What joy for us both.

    • Sandra says

      March 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      Welcome, Joybird! What joy for us all!

  18. Joybird says

    March 14, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I meant to also tell you that I love the self descrip of “Deep See Diver”. Just love, love that!

    • Sandra says

      March 14, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      😀 😀

Trackbacks

  1. The Harder Thing | CultureSmith says:
    March 14, 2011 at 9:44 am

    […] when I felt God calling me to say “yes,” I said, […]

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