Sandra Heska King

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The Great Lilac Massacre

May 4, 2010 By Sandra Heska King

I stood in Abby’s drive today and breathed deep the heady fragrance of lilacs.

I closed my eyes, tilted my nostrils toward the breeze, and sniffed to capture the aroma trail.

I nearly hyperventilated for the joy of it.

The bushes grow wild there, all lavender and white.

I watched a woman cut a bouquet from them yesterday, her car parked right next to the “No trespassing/private drive” sign.

What nerve!

I drove on.

Because I understand.

As soon as the snow melts, I obsess over the first signs of lilac leaves, then the buds, then the blooms.

From my office and our bedroom windows, I look down on a wild, overgrown area. A log cabin once stood there. We still find artifacts.

It’s my own lilac overlook.

It was my own lilac overlook.

It wore a billowing white gown in the spring.

Key word. Wore.

Until the Great Lilac Massacre of 2007 when the OCD demon took control of my son.

With a chainsaw.

For a little spring cleanup.

I heard it. I ran outside and stumbled into devastation.

Broken and bleeding limbs lay everywhere.

I smelled death.

And when Jeremy saw my face, I’m pretty sure he thought it was his.

I considered it, but a good long cry seemed a better choice.

My husband thinks the earliest bushes may have graced the cabin.

But they’re gone now.

All gone.

Except for a handful of survivors that refused to die.

 

I wish he’d taken out the trees instead.

Poor Jeremy.

He knows he broke my heart.

And stole my joy

A fleeting joy.

A replaceable joy.

Because nobody can steal the true joy. The inner joy that remains through broken dreams and butchered expectations. The joy that remains steady through the autumns and winters of life as well as the springs and summers. The joy that does not fluctuate with circumstances.

And if I’m very still and tilt my nose upward, I catch a sweet scent of One once broken and bleeding.

One who refused to die.

“Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.” Psalm 119:111

What brings you joy?

What is your favorite flower?

This post is part of the Blog Carnival on JOY. For more thoughts, visit One Word at a Time.

 

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Filed Under: stories and reflections

Comments

  1. Jeff Jordan says

    May 4, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Sandra,
    I'm having deja vu. We have five lilacs between our house and one of our neighbors. They grew so big and I got tired of trying to mow around them, so I wore out a chainsaw on them 3 years ago. Lisa nearly chainsawed me when she realized what I was doing. They've now grown back to their former glory, but I learned a valuable lesson. One man's thorn is another's flower…get permission before you cut anything down or throw anything out:)

  2. JoAnne says

    May 4, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    I am so allergic to lilacs that I thought I was going to sneeze Sandra :). It must be that power of suggestion thing. However, I love looking at the flowers from afar though and reading your post.

    JoAnne

  3. Sandra Heska King says

    May 4, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    @Jeff: Oh, my! I want to laugh. But I'm having deja vu, too.

    @JoAnne: So sorry. And so glad you managed to get through the post. 🙂 Thanks for coming by.

  4. Glynn says

    May 4, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    I just planted an ever-blooming lilac in the garden (supposedly will bloom from April to September). (We'll see.) The smell reminds both my wife and myself of our grandmothers (and that's a joyous thought for both of us). Good post, Sandra.

  5. Sandra Heska King says

    May 5, 2010 at 9:42 am

    April to September? I gotta get me one of those!

    Peonies remind me of one of my grandmothers. I have some of those. They still live. 🙂

  6. Warren Baldwin says

    May 5, 2010 at 11:04 am

    God makes all things beautiful! We have them in our front and back yard (purple ones)

  7. S. Etole says

    May 5, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    I love poppies that dance in the breeze … but all flowers speak so much of God and His beauty.

  8. Bridget Chumbley says

    May 5, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Such a lovely fragrance. Thanks for this story, Sandra.

  9. n. davis rosback says

    May 5, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    i like the way lilacs just feel comfortable and old fashond.

  10. lynnmosher says

    May 6, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Sandra, I loved your post. I'm so sorry the lilac bushes are gone. You'll have to plant some more.

    As I sit here reading about everyone's favorite flower and the memories they invoke, I am in tears. I had the love of a precious grandmother until I was 13 years old. When she died, my heart broke. It has never quite healed. I still miss her and cry that I cannot spend time with her.

    I tell you that to tell you my two favorite flowers: jonquils and daffodils. My grandparents and parents had a farm and my Granny planted these two all over the bank of the stream. We would go and pick dozens of them when in bloom. I cannot look at one without thinking of my sweet Granny.

    Sorry this is so long. Thanks so much for the memory walk. Be blessed!

  11. caryjo says

    May 6, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    So good to see this and see "you"… been missing you, somehow.

    ANYHOW… lilacs are just about my favorite and have been for years. In 2001, I had a huge blessing. Was in Morocco on a prayer walk and the lilacs were pouring forth and lovely. Then came back to Omaha and a few days later the lilacs came to life. A couple weeks later I went to visit Susie [S.Etole] in MN and the lilacs were blooming. I felt like the Lord had piled blessing after blessing on me.

    So neat to hear your story and see your usual lovely way of tying the pieces together to honor the Lord.

  12. Sandra Heska King says

    May 7, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    @Warren: I love 'em any color. The more the better!

    @Susan: Poppies. I don't think I've ever had them. I planted some portulaca (moss rose) this year, something my dad has always planted. Not my favorite, but kind of "homey."

    @Bridget and Nancy: Fragrant, old-fashioned, and comfortable. You know it!

    @Lynn: Awww. You'll have to keep yourself surrounded with those! Jonquils and daffodils say spring and life. Hugs.

    @caryjo: What a beautiful lilac story! And thanks for your sweet words.

Trackbacks

  1. All Because of a Root « Sandra Heska King says:
    August 27, 2010 at 11:14 am

    […] The site of the Great Lilac Massacre. […]

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I tossed and turned all night. And then the storm I tossed and turned all night. And then the storm started. I finally got up about 5ish and sat outside to watch. Until a couple mosquitoes found me. Also, the jasmine hadn’t gone to bed yet and smelled heavenly.
Sunday evening. That is all. Sunday evening. That is all.
“The news is not and never has been, because it “The news is not and never has been, because it doesn’t talk about the small moments. Moments that matter to individuals, whatever they do or do not do in the grand scheme of things. And it is in those individual moments that belong to people, that deserve to be faced and remembered as much as every big, world-changing disaster. And nature, because it exists in the details, is too easy to elide, even when trying to talk about it.” ~ Sara Barkat in her introduction to Earth Song: A Nature Poems Experience
🍃
I had to look up “elide.” It’s not a typo. 😊
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Sara goes on to write, “The structure of this book is that of a piece of music. The poems are to be read in order…”
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The first poem she includes is Sara Teasdale’s “Lost Things” that starts, “”Oh, I could let the world go by / It’s loud new wonders and it’s wars / But how will I give up the sky…”
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Good morning sky. Good morning moon. Good morning little bird flying to the moon. Good morning red bottlebrushes nodding in the breeze. It’s good to emerge from this Covid fog. Day 10.
“Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous to “Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous to be understood. . . Let me keep company always with those who say “Look!” and laugh in astonishment and bow their heads.” ~ Mary Oliver in “Mysteries, Yes”
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No way could anyone ever convince me that this world in all its beauty and creativity and mysteries is here by accident.
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@tamiheim @tonibirdsong 
In @stickyJesus: How to Live Out Your Faith Online
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the str My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion.” Psalm 73:26 (ESV)
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I’d almost forgotten what quiet mornings on the patio were like. (Quiet except for the birds and the sound of the neighbor’s AC.)
So yesterday I saw my cardiologist. It was the fir So yesterday I saw my cardiologist. It was the first time he wanted to see me in 6 months instead of a year. He said my aortic stenosis had gotten worse. Like on the cusp of moderate to severe. 😬

So the first thing he asks me is, "How's you daughter?" Wait. Isn't this supposed to be about ME?

Then he asks if I've had any symptoms. "Well, I don't know. Maybe. I felt a little dizzy out of the blue a couple times. And felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I wouldn't have paid any attention if I didn't know I was supposed to be watching for symptoms. I DID walk all over Israel and up a bunch of steep hills, even all the way up to the Golan Heights--against the wind--without anything but normal fatigue.

He laughs. "I created a monster." Ummm, yeah.

"Have you been exercising?" 

"Well, yeah. We walk a couple miles a day. I'm back on my Nordictrack Strider." I didn't tell him I'd been lifting some light weights and some very heavy boxes and other items during this renovation, though I was told in December not to.

So he listens to the beating of my heart. Then he says, "Well, I don't think the valve is ripe yet. I don't expect you to have symptoms for three or four years. You don't need to come back for a year."

Wait! So you ask if I have symptoms. But you don't expect symptoms--yet. And when I do have symptoms, someone is gonna do something. And then I'll be older and maybe weaker. Or what if I have some sudden and silent symptom and boom! And now I have to worry about that. 

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Last weekend we were in northern Michigan. And the Last weekend we were in northern Michigan. And there were lilacs. They even shook their heads over tornado-induced devastation. Look for the beauty and sweet scents in the midst of the mess. I miss the lilacs.
Yesterday’s morning view. We haven’t seen the Yesterday’s morning view. We haven’t seen the sun all day today.
When the folks in my hometown of Gaylord, Michigan When the folks in my hometown of Gaylord, Michigan ate their breakfast Friday morning, they had no idea what terror and devastation they'd face before dinner. Everyone has a story. You've probably seen pictures.

If not, take a peek at @mlivenews .

My great-nephew, not quite 12, had just gotten home from school when the EF-3 came down the street and left its mark on every home. My niece frantically tried to find her way from work through debris and blocked roads. My sister was 30 miles away visiting my dad in rehab. I don't want to know how fast my brother-in-law drove. 

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We plan to fly up Thursday--already planned to celebrate my dad's 95th birthday. 

Also, if anyone feels led to help, the Otsego Community Foundation and Otsego County United Way are accepting donations. Note “Tornado Relief.” Beware of any other fundraising requests.
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From a post I wrote for @tspoetry after a visit to the @holocaustcenter.

https://www.tweetspeakpoetry.com/2016/07/27/regional-tour-holocaust-memorial-center-farmington-hills-michigan/
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HAPPY EASTER!
#Israel2022 #GardenTomb #Easter
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