when you’re not comfortable

from my back

I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom lately. I imagine I always will come fall. Because brain cancer came with the fall, discovered by a fall. We lost her two years ago this month, though some days it seems like yesterday. I’ve been revisiting the archives and the month we lived in the hospice […]

Still Grappling with Grief

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  One year ago yesterday, my mother died. I’m angry. And sad. And grateful. I’m remembering, second-guessing every decision. Immediately after her fall and diagnosis of a brain tumor, she spent several weeks in a local nursing home. She was not safe for surgery at that point. After the biopsy, she transferred to rehab where […]

When Loss is Real–or Not

blessed is the man

I’m better this morning. Last night I hid in the bathroom for a few moments where I flushed the toilet (so the husband and the grandgirl wouldn’t ask what was going on with me.) I blew my nose, popped my contacts, rubbed my eyes hard, and ran cold water over my face. I didn’t want […]

Sunday Seasoned Sayings: This Wildly Extravagant Life-Gift

If death got the upper hand through one man’s wrongdoing, can you imagine the breathtaking recovery life makes, sovereign life, in those who grasp with both hands this wildly extravagant life-gift, this grand setting-everything-right, that the one man Jesus Christ provides? ~Romans 5:17 (Message) Photo of a volunteer at Hiland Cottage arranging donated flowers that […]

The End of the Journey

We are at the bedside. It was the celestial weather report, wasn’t it, Mom? Here comes the snow, and off you go. We make the calls, send the texts, post the posts. When we return, they’ve bathed and dressed her in her favorite top, the one with the sparkle neckline. She wears her glasses, the […]

Five Minute Friday ~ Grateful

GO! Grateful for this home away from home that will in so many ways be hard to leave. Grateful for staff who have become friends–no, family–who have kept watch and cared for her with such love and dignity. Grateful for tender hands and compassionate hearts. Grateful for Nick who has seen so many come and […]

Learning Christ

The glider recognizes me this morning. I’ve spent a lot of time in it over these last weeks. I pull it out to the middle of the room so I can see out over the bay. I pick up this book and page through it, pause to savor words. And my heart stops on this […]

It’s Magic

Afternoon view from Mom’s window She brings her index finger to her tongue, licks it and points it toward the wall. Her finger quivers, and I think of E.T. “What are you doing, Mom?” “Magic,” she says. Later they come to reposition her. “We’re going to move you up in bed now.” They grasp the […]